Joe - profile image
Joe
@JoeSalter89
yelling nonsense at all my robot advertising followers then crying myself to sleep. #SaintsFC hairdresser to the stars, entrepreneur, model, liar.
Followers: 292
Following: 208
Total tweets sent: 6189
Member since: Sun 11 Sep 2011


Joe Latest Tweets

@richardogrady85 He unleashed the plague of mosquitos at the England match too.
Tue 19 Jun 20:37
2018
"Mo Salah" is how Mr. T orders "more salad". #Worldcup #MoSalah #RUSEGY https://t.co/Q1aBE76kVJ
Tue 19 Jun 19:47
2018
@SouthCoastRed Not confusing him; suggesting he take an example from him. I bet he dots his i's with hearts.
Tue 19 Jun 17:32
2018
As good as Robert Lewandowski is... He's almost 30 and has a lightening bolt shaved into his head. At that age it s… https://t.co/cNs56XzZDW
Tue 19 Jun 17:10
2018
throwback to when I had a parrotlet that would sit in the TWAT corner as a punishment for chewing the light fitting… https://t.co/kpDW6C8O08
Tue 19 Jun 13:27
2018
@richardogrady85 @SkyNews Careful Rich. They're a humourless bunch. Dare have a negative opinion on cyclists and yo… https://t.co/D4MkyjDoJB
Tue 19 Jun 12:06
2018
@Helenreade5 That's the photo where he practically jumped on me because he was upset with you for making him nap in his own cot! Ha!
Mon 18 Jun 15:46
2018
@DaftLimmy I'll put this screenshot up next world cup when everyone's forgotten the middle finger. You'll be hung,… https://t.co/jNIE95iEQ6
Mon 18 Jun 15:41
2018
@simgeo35 It does. If they lose they're changing their name to Paraguay 2.
Sun 17 Jun 17:50
2018
@simgeo35 I had to remind myself that this is just the opening group game and not a semi final.
Sun 17 Jun 17:49
2018
@sherdog91 I met him mate. Kept trying to make me dance round his oversized hat. Was a really stressful night of truth be told.
Sun 17 Jun 17:46
2018
@sherdog91 Remember the last time. Round yours. Ricketts: ITS 2-1 COSTA RICA!! So excited about other results because ours were so shite.
Sun 17 Jun 17:44
2018
@sherdog91 Mexico have done really well. Defended tightly but always been ready for the counter. I'm looking at eve… https://t.co/0tQBRLQsPw
Sun 17 Jun 17:40
2018
When I next go on holiday abroad, I'm going to buy a load of German flag towels and leave them on all the sunlounge… https://t.co/MWvGAgnNvv
Sun 17 Jun 16:54
2018
Two absolutely stunning passes from Germany within the space of 30 seconds. #WorldCup
Sun 17 Jun 16:03
2018
@simgeo35 There's never been any evidence that that DIDN'T happen...
Sun 17 Jun 13:40
2018
@simgeo35 AD68 coin: Nero showcasing his empire-famous Brutus Forysythus impression. "Bonnum game, bonnum game!"
Sun 17 Jun 12:52
2018
@MattyEarle He's basically one of those school teachers who tells you off for forgetting your homework but is ACTUA… https://t.co/5ajtx3nylU
Sun 17 Jun 09:03
2018
@simgeo35 I like how my autocorrect has chosen two ways of spelling maroon. A useful feature.
Sat 16 Jun 21:12
2018
@simgeo35 The sequel: Marroon Marroon Maroon 5. Exactly the same but they're also painted maroon.
Sat 16 Jun 21:00
2018
In photo 1 you can see Lawro is saying "fuck off". In photo 2 he's smiling because she has. https://t.co/Zk0BRFNrm8
Sat 16 Jun 19:26
2018
@Summers2theB Ha! I liked that I did.
Sat 16 Jun 19:23
2018
@Summers2theB He goes out birdwatching every evening, watching the thrushes flitting in and out of the bushes, then… https://t.co/UNqHfbor6U
Sat 16 Jun 17:13
2018
Lawro just said Pogba needs to concentrate on his football rather than his hair. Lawro's long hair and moustache c… https://t.co/qpn2C7zLTw
Sat 16 Jun 11:36
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow He went from an anarchic 'lad' program to something you suffer through when you're hungover becaus… https://t.co/qUvPvxlPZg
Sat 16 Jun 10:00
2018
Every time I watch the hairy bikers, I get the feeling that Dave's harmless whimsy is disguising that he's deeply, deeply troubled.
Sat 16 Jun 09:59
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow Rimmer and Lovejoy. Sounds like a pornographic detective team aimed at a gentleman audience.
Sat 16 Jun 09:56
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow Daddies Sauce. It has tamarind in it so I've also smashed some Persian cuisine in there. I'm a loo… https://t.co/O6Po7vHL57
Sat 16 Jun 09:51
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow Horatio and the other one I suppose. They look sad today. Their feeding frenzy was quite sombre this morning.
Sat 16 Jun 09:49
2018
I've become a fusion chef. Fried some jersey potatoes in Italian olive oil and stuck them in two slices of Wiltshir… https://t.co/BbTkc7IPTC
Sat 16 Jun 09:47
2018
@MattyEarle Thank you for your kind words in this difficult time. It's tragedies like this that make you really app… https://t.co/LOqeG2Hn59
Sat 16 Jun 09:13
2018
Its with a heavy heart that I have to announce that Paul the fish has passed away. He was a sickly fish since purch… https://t.co/HKwyfEf9g8
Sat 16 Jun 09:10
2018
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 I've been known to do bo- forget it.
Fri 15 Jun 18:24
2018
@simgeo35 I'd pick it up but I handle a rapier like a Welshman.
Fri 15 Jun 18:18
2018
@simgeo35 He'll be seething. It's like when someone writes "Regards" instead of "Kind Regards", you know they hate you. Regards Joe.
Fri 15 Jun 18:14
2018
@SouthCoastRed I haven't seen him live really, Bought his last album which was average. But he didn't sound like Moz. Very weird.
Fri 15 Jun 13:38
2018
oddly, (maybe even ironically) I heard Johnny Marr's new song for the first time today without realising who it was… https://t.co/KJEHYKMmLu
Fri 15 Jun 13:20
2018
a woman in #Subway just asked for white cabbage in her turkey foot long.
Fri 15 Jun 12:03
2018
@TomEatW0rld McCarthy always wearing a flat cap and wellies. Warnock has a whippet with him at all times.
Thu 14 Jun 19:51
2018
@TomEatW0rld Probably injured in the first match.
Thu 14 Jun 19:49
2018
@TomEatW0rld You know exactly what's gonna happen. We will draw to Tunisia, lose 1-0 to Panama and beat Belgium.
Thu 14 Jun 19:47
2018
@Summers2theB I remember adding an extra "of kings" Sing hosanna, sing hosanna, sing hosanna to the king of kings!… https://t.co/l8YPuGxlmt
Thu 14 Jun 11:32
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow I like 'O Come all ye Faithful' because people lose their shit at the 'o come let us adore Him' part.
Thu 14 Jun 08:54
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow When the initial organ intro comes in I can imagine a few outraged faces. It's definitely going on the shortlist.
Thu 14 Jun 08:47
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow ThTs going straight on the list. Absolute church-land banger. (Like a clubland banger but more organy)
Thu 14 Jun 08:45
2018
@1MREDVE The church guy (technical term, think he was a canon) said he hates playing that ok the organ so we have to avoid, sadly.
Thu 14 Jun 08:45
2018
Christening and wedding coming up. Any suggestions for absolute BANGING hymns? Thinking so far: - Lord of the Danc… https://t.co/JRspqv3tyd
Thu 14 Jun 08:29
2018
@sherdog91 You're a real one you know that, Grant?
Wed 13 Jun 21:52
2018
I think Frasier (the sitcom) should be banned! Sorry, I take it back. I'm being a Kelsey Grammer Nazi.
Wed 13 Jun 21:08
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow @Helenreade5 Marmite all the way for me. I like how they both have "ite" at the end though. Like i… https://t.co/LROB0fAkj6
Wed 13 Jun 21:04
2018
These blind taste food tests they always do on telly are pointless. I don't care if 3/5 people preferred a cheaper… https://t.co/RJq8C72J0W
Wed 13 Jun 20:42
2018
Button Moon is great, until you realise that the people in the story are going about their lives oblivious to the f… https://t.co/GunzejZm0J
Wed 13 Jun 19:32
2018
When I grow up, I want a pair of built up shoes.
Wed 13 Jun 19:16
2018
@richardogrady85 Maybe I'll give him a go. I've got some FILTHY pennies.
Wed 13 Jun 08:36
2018
I wish Barry Scott would stop yelling at me.
Wed 13 Jun 08:13
2018
Can't wait for the World Cup, but actually more excited about Mortimer & Whitehouse Gone Fishing. @RealBobMortimer
Tue 12 Jun 18:32
2018
Saw this post-it on a charity shop wall. Wonder how much they'll part with it for. https://t.co/YgJVXRDMd0
Tue 12 Jun 16:39
2018
The main change I've experienced since becoming a parent is that people with kids older than mine (even by a day) l… https://t.co/ajUj2WvPFC
Sun 10 Jun 20:20
2018
@danhett Don't want to trivialise this but what's Eamonn Holmes doing next to the dickhead doing the Nazi salute? https://t.co/C215LCIcWJ
Sun 10 Jun 19:32
2018
Who is buying tribute act merchandise? "I love Simply Red & a tribute are playing at my local. I'll go. To hell wi… https://t.co/1fCLnzRr6a
Sun 10 Jun 17:33
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow Semi-rotten. A bit of green mould. I wouldn't eat it but it wasn't completely putrid. Just a coupl… https://t.co/gnTJF1WcWe
Sun 10 Jun 16:51
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow I'm genuinely confused - I looked online and can't find any example of an out of date pomegranate… https://t.co/dBuwkjfayN
Sun 10 Jun 16:46
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow Or Willy Wonka. But rather than being magical and delicious, I now have a tropical disease.
Sun 10 Jun 16:42
2018
@simgeo35 Instead of shouting "How's that?" They shout "Get Tae fuck!'
Sun 10 Jun 16:28
2018
@simgeo35 You know what, it may just be the very same. I feel like I should leave Earth every winter.
Sun 10 Jun 14:25
2018
I'm pretty sure pomegranates shouldn't release smoke when you squeeze them, no matter how gone off. https://t.co/8RCuJ1RBjF
Sun 10 Jun 13:47
2018
The reason Nigel Slater makes food sexy, effortlessly, is because he IS effortlessly sexy.
Sun 10 Jun 13:08
2018
I don't need to see evidence of Nigel Slater's cat to know that Nigel Slater has a cat.
Sun 10 Jun 13:07
2018
Every morning, a magpie flies down into my garden and tourments our chicken. It sits on her pen shouting at her; it… https://t.co/hLhKr6Rldq
Sun 10 Jun 10:07
2018
"'The baby on the bus goes wah wah wah'? I find this a crude generalisation and, frankly, offensive to me and my fe… https://t.co/gnFL6M8uQl
Sat 9 Jun 09:06
2018
I have a lot of faith in the ugly duckling story. I'm just waiting for the day I find out I was raised by the wrong… https://t.co/8A8epnBAvO
Fri 8 Jun 18:13
2018
How did Richard the Lionheart like his chicken wraps? With salad in. (Saladin) I'm here all week. (Luckily for you it's Friday).
Fri 8 Jun 13:43
2018
@DaftLimmy Just heard them read this out on Good Morning Britain.
Fri 8 Jun 13:29
2018
James Martin: "GET THAT DOWN YOUR NECK. That's a real northern dish and portion." Something tells me that tough, Y… https://t.co/CU3r4Pb8aa
Fri 8 Jun 13:28
2018
@Summers2theB @Helenreade5 I treat myself to a sit down piss at work every Friday. I look forward to it throughout… https://t.co/nAJ96vQ5NE
Fri 8 Jun 08:58
2018
@Summers2theB @Helenreade5 Abso-bloody-lutely. The spread would be awful.
Fri 8 Jun 08:09
2018
@Helenreade5 That's what happened!
Fri 8 Jun 07:27
2018
#bbcqt Richard Madeley on tonight. Gonna have to record that. He's bound to say something daft.
Thu 7 Jun 21:32
2018
"Mister"?! I didn't spend 1 whole year at 6th form doing a subject I can't recall, before getting bored and droppin… https://t.co/W2qmuipyCf
Thu 7 Jun 19:33
2018
@simgeo35 I've got a racehorse called that.
Thu 7 Jun 19:00
2018
@simgeo35 Does Di Canio eat meat?
Thu 7 Jun 18:58
2018
Just forgot to put the seat down and sat on a toilet. Fucking terrifying. And a mistake I shouldn't be making with my experience.
Thu 7 Jun 13:32
2018
All joking aside about #Swindon but has anyone else noticed that the Brunel shopping centre reeks of piss all-of-a-… https://t.co/5WSXjXEJM7
Thu 7 Jun 12:46
2018
@TomEatW0rld I was always worried that Dr. Alan Grant was a bit too obsessed with raptors. All he'd seen was the bo… https://t.co/WkDOQcIdqr
Wed 6 Jun 22:18
2018
National Geographic's picture of the year winner. The only difference between sea animals and sea monsters is that… https://t.co/WuVKfyHSWa
Wed 6 Jun 16:22
2018
@PaulChuckle2 I haven't seen a double basket before. Is this a patented "Chuckle basket", Paul?
Wed 6 Jun 16:16
2018
Terence Trent D'arby (TTD) now identifies as Sananda Maitreya. JUST IN CASE you accidentally use the non-preferred… https://t.co/ZxLtnL3v9Y
Wed 6 Jun 16:15
2018
@TomEatW0rld https://t.co/ljSlRSfiZm You say that. Has anyone every megsed someone from this far away before? Pure technique.
Wed 6 Jun 12:18
2018
@simgeo35 Any disreputable pet shop. (It was stuffed full of clippings from dirty magazines).
Tue 5 Jun 22:39
2018
Went into a pet shop for rabbit food. My 6 month old saw his dog toy and decided he HAD to have it. It's now his mo… https://t.co/ZFxAKdARee
Tue 5 Jun 20:01
2018
@richardogrady85 @AskNationwide I used to love hearing that for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
Tue 5 Jun 12:11
2018
Nice to see @AskNationwide have the same hold music they have when I worked there, a decade ago. #Nostalgia https://t.co/8irWAHfP8p
Tue 5 Jun 10:12
2018
@Muscleswhelan @VanDerHobbs @jeremydexter89 They're called northerners and Irish people, Liam. Cockroach is a bit h… https://t.co/p7zOZMmRBs
Mon 4 Jun 11:49
2018
@Muscleswhelan @VanDerHobbs @jeremydexter89 I've just got back from Puerto del Carmen.
Mon 4 Jun 07:21
2018
My favourite wrestlers are Wet Michael and Spicy Peter.
Sun 3 Jun 12:53
2018
The evolution of goose. https://t.co/8SkRMT8lPj
Sun 3 Jun 11:33
2018
Review I've just seen on a game where you are blindfolded and have to walk across a mat with rubber dog poo scatter… https://t.co/0UduG1eHJZ
Sun 3 Jun 10:51
2018
Mr. and Mrs. Kangaroo are Australian stereotypes. Mr. Kangaroo wears a Steve Irwin safari suit, plays cricket, surf… https://t.co/1UMh7AK1zh
Sun 3 Jun 10:25
2018
I feel sorry for Daddy Pig. He's obviously a lovely, kind-hearted family pig; he just suffers from a mild learning… https://t.co/rAoivdyi7l
Sun 3 Jun 10:20
2018
Happy 60th dad! 24 hours, not to keep! #EType #Jag https://t.co/lApyizVCnk
Sat 2 Jun 10:53
2018
@bratby666 Beginning*
Fri 1 Jun 19:17
2018
@bratby666 Thanks for the explanation. Just couldn't work it out. (Missed the begging to be fair) 👍
Fri 1 Jun 19:16
2018
I don't know why I can't make any friends. I'm into mysticism and every time I consult the binbag full of dog poo I… https://t.co/Bzx2UEPnsb
Fri 1 Jun 16:46
2018
Groundforce did up my garden in 1997, I had to complain to the production company because they gave me a "mosquito… https://t.co/ocAuLPHI1B
Fri 1 Jun 16:26
2018
When you go on holiday for 1 week and return to find that a spider has moved in to your desert boots. https://t.co/HOO1xv7av2
Fri 1 Jun 15:07
2018
Jason Derulo to celebrate 100 years of female vote with his powerful/moving song, "WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE"
Wed 30 May 11:36
2018
@SouthCoastRed I was looking for the punchline there. Then realised it's real. Maybe Jordan can advice May on foreign policy.
Wed 30 May 11:35
2018
Jason Derulo has become an obsession of mine. I've never heard his songs before, or at least didn't know they were… https://t.co/kLU7NfveRP
Wed 30 May 11:33
2018
If any northerner asks me to guess where they're from, I will (as a rule) say: "hmmm... Chinese?"
Wed 30 May 11:29
2018
@simgeo35 I have heard that David D. consults a joint of meat he believes is wise before choosing who to interrupt in mid-answer.
Tue 29 May 15:33
2018
@simgeo35 I'm sure I saw the top left guy on QT. And the top right guy at my local carvery.
Tue 29 May 15:31
2018
@simgeo35 This is typical, you're just another BIASED BBC BIGWIG. Mr. so-called George. Bring back corporal punishm… https://t.co/4SAaW9MMSs
Tue 29 May 15:06
2018
@simgeo35 This is just political correctness gone mad. My grandfather didnt fight in the war for this. I'm sorry bu… https://t.co/HHbwMyvTJK
Tue 29 May 13:47
2018
Idea for a straight-to-telly film: Sassy Suffragettes! Whoopie Goldberg & one of them from Girls Aloud play a pai… https://t.co/0oLSGUoTZp
Tue 29 May 08:47
2018
Jason Derulo to release song criticising Trump. That should solve everything. Why did Jason Derulo not do this earl… https://t.co/QUcR3NhHpe
Tue 29 May 08:15
2018
@SouthCoastRed Sure it's not Timmy Mallett?
Mon 28 May 06:34
2018
@SouthCoastRed Sounds like when a vicar tries to be cool. Did he sit on a chair... BACKWARDS?
Mon 28 May 06:31
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow #OverLookedPrince #Andrew https://t.co/YOpEJ1bHdf
Mon 28 May 06:30
2018
Cycling is a weird thing, really. Of all the novelty children's modes of transport, it's taken very seriously. You… https://t.co/4Vz3o7VZDv
Sun 27 May 18:20
2018
@simgeo35 Did I once say the payment was to Mr. Waller? This lack.of attention to detail is why you're a simple esc… https://t.co/FpCvuWqryu
Sat 26 May 14:54
2018
That was apparently my 6000th tweet. Not proud of it. https://t.co/U1bUyck6E8
Sat 26 May 13:36
2018
Everyone! I need some advice. Would you clean your teeth with Rick Waller's toilet brush, once, for £400? Asking f… https://t.co/IIYXRIwtjN
Sat 26 May 13:31
2018
#BBCBreakfast Steph would crush that little fella she's co-hosting with.
Sat 26 May 07:50
2018
@mantropik I stay at a constant derring-do.
Fri 25 May 21:53
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow SHIT. SHIT-SHIT-SHIT. You're eight. You're also right, I'm leaving that auto-correct. Not that yo… https://t.co/51e2FXicbT
Fri 25 May 20:52
2018
Remember this song from the 20th Century?: "Naaaaa na naaaaa nananananana nanana na na na... Nananananana na na." Classic.
Fri 25 May 20:48
2018
@sherdog91 GDPR mate. Little bit of hassle for a few weeks for a lifetime of no junkmail.
Fri 25 May 19:39
2018
Idea for a telly program: Stacey Dooley investigates ISIS. Stacey Dooley travels to- Oh, sorry what? That actuall… https://t.co/31CaEjtxGa
Wed 23 May 18:31
2018
I don't have OCD OCD OCD OCD
Wed 23 May 16:45
2018
What is this new thing where young men stand in public toilets, looking at themselves in the mirror, talking on the… https://t.co/4BHwskUE7c
Wed 23 May 16:44
2018
I hate astrology. It's pseudoscience and a load of trash. But then that's typical, cynical, capricorn me.
Wed 23 May 16:40
2018
Idea for a telly program: Anthony Worrall-Thompson's interrogations. A-W-T grills some of the most dangerous crimin… https://t.co/qnlaE3iaRc
Wed 23 May 09:20
2018
Idea for a telly program: "TV funnyman", Brian Conley volunteers to live in a coop in order to integrate himself i… https://t.co/vDQTZqQq39
Wed 23 May 09:16
2018
Idea for a telly program: Robert Kilroy-Silk is given legal immunity and can do whatever he chooses to, without con… https://t.co/22EmMDpJRx
Wed 23 May 09:10
2018
Idea for a telly program: Nick Knowles travels around a nature reserve in a beige transit van, trying to fly-tip pi… https://t.co/cLfbd4Zpch
Wed 23 May 09:08
2018
Idea for a telly program: 5 feuding American gangsta rappers go on a guided tour of England's canals in order to l… https://t.co/ULbDE8VVvr
Wed 23 May 08:57
2018
@simgeo35 You've never liked dating because you've never found the right me- I mean person.
Tue 22 May 22:26
2018
@richardogrady85 @simgeo35 I don't believe you. Big MK was born working for Nationwide Building Society and will di… https://t.co/1Hd6HpDsei
Tue 22 May 21:43
2018
@richardogrady85 @simgeo35 Moody?
Tue 22 May 21:13
2018
@richardogrady85 @simgeo35 So... Where you working now...?
Tue 22 May 21:02
2018
@simgeo35 I find small talk hard. My brain does me over and tells me the other person knows I'm making small talk s… https://t.co/XgEuE6h3Ut
Tue 22 May 20:47
2018
@richardogrady85 SO DO I.
Tue 22 May 07:56
2018
If you call a chimpanzee a monkey, some pedant will say, "no, they're great apes!". Why do we have to respect chimp… https://t.co/utMi1v61zd
Tue 22 May 07:17
2018
🎵If you're fond of man boobs And thinning hair. Faint signs of eczema, here and there.🎵
Mon 21 May 18:30
2018
@simgeo35 Hedgehogs are good at maths. They have lots of extra appendages to count on. So don't feel too bad. On a… https://t.co/x6VrEFKPNT
Mon 21 May 17:29
2018
@simgeo35 I'm not fussed how people type to me but it is mind-blowing how someone who has completed a law degree th… https://t.co/tsL2bMINeQ
Mon 21 May 16:52
2018
@simgeo35 Oh also "insure" instead of "ensure" almost every time. "As a pose to". See it all, I do.
Mon 21 May 16:40
2018
@simgeo35 One that bothers me is "look like shit" when people mean "look the shit". People are always shouting the… https://t.co/yrXqbnaD6m
Mon 21 May 16:35
2018
In an attempt to not be recognised as a celebrity chef, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall goes undercover as celebrity ch… https://t.co/dsisZqO9lF
Mon 21 May 12:39
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow I was reading about Alexander The Great today. Before I bothered I was proud of the fact I complet… https://t.co/gC4PED1qpa
Sun 20 May 20:27
2018
#antiquesroadshow "An extraordinary period of gentleman sports car driver". God bless you, Toad of Toad Hall.
Sun 20 May 20:24
2018
https://t.co/GIlBTgtjSa Lovely clip of a lady who rescued & bonded with a bee who'd lost its wings. The only bit I… https://t.co/ueVvpurA2t
Sun 20 May 18:33
2018
Fred getting into the royal spirit. #RoyalWedding #RoyalWedding2018 https://t.co/4MH1YUG8EI
Sun 20 May 15:59
2018
I bought into the Spice Girls' ideals and bought a car that has 1 girl power instead of horse power. It runs on Ben… https://t.co/8BRJP5tqY0
Sun 20 May 13:21
2018
#SaturdayKitchen this fella needs to cook himself up a personality.
Sun 20 May 10:18
2018
Martin Keown is very EARNEST. He's a very SERIOUS pundit. And if anyone says otherwise he will have a very STERN word with you.
Sun 20 May 08:43
2018
Phil Jones defending against Hazard. #FACupFinal https://t.co/0ZI2UnSEGc
Sun 20 May 08:35
2018
@john_17jackson https://t.co/ISegLHfviT
Sun 20 May 08:34
2018
@john_17jackson He got completely done by a long ball then attempted a tackle even dhal sim from Street Fighter II… https://t.co/iuyamiLy2k
Sun 20 May 08:32
2018
@MattyEarle Um.. I think you're forgetting the masterpiece that is shaolin soccer 2.
Sun 20 May 01:16
2018
@Muscleswhelan HAHA.
Fri 18 May 18:18
2018
@Muscleswhelan He started basically from birth...
Fri 18 May 18:17
2018
@Muscleswhelan My potato is about to hit 6 months. So that means 6 months with absolutely no sleep.
Fri 18 May 18:01
2018
@simgeo35 Yep. Mind blowing really. Handling change and having a basic grasp on directions should probably be mandatory.
Thu 17 May 17:02
2018
@simgeo35 I also saw someone trying to remember the street name where the weighbridge is. They said 'how much to we… https://t.co/UUHlAndULB
Thu 17 May 16:58
2018
@simgeo35 I did. They offered me a free day rider...
Thu 17 May 16:55
2018
@simgeo35 It was so unexpected. I put the change on his little tray and he exploded. "IS THAT MEANT TO BE FUNNY?! H… https://t.co/aFjmoRbQ34
Thu 17 May 16:51
2018
@mattletiss7 Matt, you have a photo of a footballer as your profile too! ;) #LeGod
Thu 17 May 16:42
2018
@simgeo35 Got a bus a while ago andpaid in silver. Think around £2. Gave him 20ps a few 10s and 2 5s. About 10 coin… https://t.co/AqWEgCLXX9
Thu 17 May 16:38
2018
"You wouldn't feed your kids just water, so why your plants? Give them Miracle Grow." I'm not buying a plant-helpi… https://t.co/b8h5mTofE6
Wed 16 May 21:18
2018
Twitter: a forum to moan about all of the world's injustices while doing absolutely nothing to try to help.
Wed 16 May 19:02
2018
@simgeo35 I had a Grandma Nazi. Lovely woman.
Wed 16 May 16:14
2018
@simgeo35 Lots of titles are misguided. "Grammar Nazi" makes me laugh. Nazis weren't known for their dull, "look-ho… https://t.co/n2swhS2AuL
Wed 16 May 16:03
2018
Mark Lawrenson posted a dead crow through Alan Hansen's letter box with "TITS" written on it in lipstick.
Wed 16 May 15:41
2018
@axainsurance @AXA Thanks Leanne. That joke did calm me down. The monkey is still loose so I can't say you helped e… https://t.co/raDb2Z1cpk
Tue 15 May 13:52
2018
This lookalike website is hilarious. My personal favourites are Heather Mills and Michael Winner. https://t.co/2VOAgk5adq
Tue 15 May 13:47
2018
@Axa I rang last week as I was told I'd get a "Free Pen" just for enquiring. A biro arrived a week or so later. I w… https://t.co/DtJ6k3t7Uf
Tue 15 May 13:09
2018
@simgeo35 I've got a meal at his Marlborough place coming up. I'm going to order a baked potato with cheese.
Tue 15 May 12:07
2018
@simgeo35 I love him but he enfuriates me. He will insist Britain has amazing food. Then he'll go somewhere else an… https://t.co/xTrWPuK0uD
Tue 15 May 11:55
2018
@simgeo35 Their king, Romanised as Rickus Steinerix, would never let the Romans in.
Tue 15 May 11:35
2018
@simgeo35 Youre right, that's more of a Dumnonian thing.
Tue 15 May 11:33
2018
@simgeo35 What was Caesar like?
Tue 15 May 11:30
2018
@sherdog91 Know any good pest controllers?
Mon 14 May 23:59
2018
@sherdog91 You're thinking of Mock the Meek. A piss-poor Dara O'Briaiiaiaiaian show about Catholic news satire.
Mon 14 May 23:57
2018
@sherdog91 Sherd. You know I'm right. That panel show, Don't mind the Buzzcocks. They mock Coldplay, but they were decent for album 1.
Mon 14 May 23:43
2018
@sherdog91 I lost 14,000 followers saying that. Before I had 14,250. Oh well.
Mon 14 May 23:36
2018
@simgeo35 Fuck off.
Mon 14 May 23:22
2018
@simgeo35 I get the whole knocking of them in general. First album though. I think is genuinely a crackin' read - Ken Bruce.
Mon 14 May 23:20
2018
@simgeo35 I've got a m8 in the army so yous bestter shut it.
Mon 14 May 23:18
2018
@simgeo35 Dayly mayul izza gud paypa yu librul snowmobile
Mon 14 May 23:15
2018