Joe - profile image
Joe
@JoeSalter89
yelling nonsense at all my robot advertising followers then crying myself to sleep. #SaintsFC hairdresser to the stars, tycoon, model, liar.
Followers: 361
Following: 268
Total tweets sent: 6886
Member since: Sun 11 Sep 2011


Joe Latest Tweets

@simgeo35 Ruud Van Nistelrooy actually looks Dutch if that's possible.
Thu 18 Oct 18:59
2018
@simgeo35 If you complain they post you a free ticket worth around 3 English pounds. Well worth the loss of pay, an… https://t.co/R1ieyNPeJs
Thu 18 Oct 18:56
2018
Pete, I've called you into this meeting because I think your behaviour is #irrational and unprofessional. What? Wh… https://t.co/O01Kaa24jj
Thu 18 Oct 09:43
2018
@DannySaint1 Haha! Exactly that! Romance at its finest.
Wed 17 Oct 11:52
2018
A LOT of men apparently approach women they don't know through Twitter (despite how far away they live), say "hello… https://t.co/5ZomvKwGPh
Wed 17 Oct 11:28
2018
@Summers2theB We all know why. But to confront him and watch him try to explain his way out of it would be worth my one trip through time.
Tue 16 Oct 21:25
2018
If I could go back in time to any point in history, I think I'd meet the man who first started trying to breed sexi… https://t.co/TcfQnc0xdX
Tue 16 Oct 21:19
2018
@maddielee27 Thank you. However, considering everything I Tweet is asinine drivel, that perhaps doesn't mean a lot.
Tue 16 Oct 21:12
2018
#POPFACT Prolific page producer, Barbara Cartland, toyed with the idea of releasing a ska album in the early '80s,… https://t.co/pvniTb6wpL
Tue 16 Oct 20:00
2018
@CragoDeb This is my favourite one. I enjoyed that she owns an emu. That classic mistake of trying to plug a hole i… https://t.co/v8zL9ilX2H
Mon 15 Oct 19:21
2018
#vss365 After a day's work, I came in the door & logged straight back in for another hour. I clapped the laptop shu… https://t.co/qHQdAeMXU4
Mon 15 Oct 16:52
2018
#vss365 #Eccentricity in the British nobility, Caused by a fondness for consanguinity.
Mon 15 Oct 11:18
2018
Ray Mears rescues dog from hot, locked car. When asked how he got in, he replied: "I used my khaki (car key) shorts… https://t.co/7oekyWFTGl
Sun 14 Oct 21:16
2018
James Martin again claiming to be a tough, northern, working-class bloke. Then claims to remember posh dinner part… https://t.co/Kt3dbEZ70K
Sun 14 Oct 19:37
2018
If anyone fancies some top viewing, watch/record Nigella Bites on Good Food+1 at 6:30. Think she may have had some… https://t.co/O3wuVhYEkC
Sun 14 Oct 18:04
2018
Peter Andre is a Greek-Cypriot/Australian-English. No wonder he always has a confused look on his face.
Sun 14 Oct 11:30
2018
I've invented a new word: "Funhappy". Sounds nice doesn't it? It means fat and unhappy.
Sat 13 Oct 20:29
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 10: https://t.co/Hjog6Flbnh
Sat 13 Oct 13:26
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 9: https://t.co/iGGOKUq6cw
Fri 12 Oct 21:42
2018
@simgeo35 Revenge is a dish best served like gazpacho. To arse holes.
Fri 12 Oct 17:28
2018
Nigella Lawson is always "caught" by a camera crew, sexily licking ice-cream off a spoon, in a silk dressing gown,… https://t.co/XAbnmKzAek
Thu 11 Oct 20:24
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 8: https://t.co/T9OwazQUse
Thu 11 Oct 12:25
2018
@simgeo35 There are subcategories of dick head though. For example, I don't like to be nasty or rude to people but… https://t.co/XumhW7ejfl
Thu 11 Oct 10:04
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 7: https://t.co/ndt7JuFZZq
Wed 10 Oct 21:45
2018
@richardogrady85 Trick question, they're ALL real!
Wed 10 Oct 19:51
2018
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB A saint in the making. The patron saint of S&M.
Wed 10 Oct 19:26
2018
Three facts about me. 2 are real, one is fake. Guess! I have real feet but wooden legs. I have climbed a larger (… https://t.co/uwmw9IIbev
Wed 10 Oct 19:17
2018
@simgeo35 @martinbell1989 The more 😂's you get commented at you, the more you've been well and truly shown.
Wed 10 Oct 19:14
2018
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 B&M dungeons are cheaper.
Wed 10 Oct 19:12
2018
@simgeo35 I like the third one. The Byzantine looking one. He's sad because he's terrible at baking perspective. Ev… https://t.co/vphGYYGKfd
Wed 10 Oct 09:14
2018
I don't know why people keep saying Clooney is such a silver fox. https://t.co/Kqq0P9pKG7
Tue 9 Oct 23:02
2018
@SouthCoastRed I've put a word in, they'll be playing it straight after Mister Mister - Broken Wings. Hopefully a… https://t.co/je4g1tXftA
Tue 9 Oct 20:18
2018
#vss365 Confession had gone on for hours now. The priest sat, chin in his hands, eyes rolling. The smart-arse choir… https://t.co/WrtI1KwY4h
Tue 9 Oct 19:44
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 6: https://t.co/lfRAXsrky0
Tue 9 Oct 12:52
2018
Heart FM: bringing you songs from the '80s, '80s and the '80s.
Tue 9 Oct 12:51
2018
@Summers2theB Every now and then it comes back to me, usually in the shower, and I feel so horrible that I develop… https://t.co/IHbAFn6RI4
Mon 8 Oct 13:43
2018
@Summers2theB It's just another whacky, loud, chaotic American thing. Whereas Muppets Christmas Carol's subtle nuan… https://t.co/UtBJ875vB2
Mon 8 Oct 13:40
2018
I'm going to make a controversial statement here... I don't like the Christmas film, Elf. I'm a Muppets Christmas C… https://t.co/xCbMsaCXw1
Mon 8 Oct 13:04
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 5: https://t.co/et1eKW1wDt
Mon 8 Oct 13:00
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/t2hCkOyG56
Mon 8 Oct 12:59
2018
@simgeo35 Or just the ring. All of your ideas involve murdering people who are smaller than you.
Sun 7 Oct 23:12
2018
@simgeo35 I had the verruca for about 2 months. Every night I used a machine that was like a cigarette filter, push… https://t.co/u3St277qmK
Sun 7 Oct 23:08
2018
@simgeo35 If only they'd taken the trebuchet. The long distance advantage and the damage to the enemy morale would… https://t.co/49q4bfmuyR
Sun 7 Oct 23:06
2018
@simgeo35 I had a verruca, verucca? Diarrhea? No one really knows how to spell verruca, for months. Which is odd be… https://t.co/vCSl9MsBml
Sun 7 Oct 23:02
2018
Can anyone tell me what telly program used the phrase "gaslighting", recently? I'm hearing someone say it almost e… https://t.co/NYw1CU8oK4
Sun 7 Oct 21:12
2018
@ansari_nassim Nope, Boufal has a poor attitude and 90% of the time you forget he's on the pitch. Warde-Prowse bare… https://t.co/WEChht9AvK
Sun 7 Oct 19:56
2018
A lot of people saying how Boufal and Carillo have both scored recently. Just remember how bad they were for us. W… https://t.co/IzFPjuJXMf
Sun 7 Oct 19:30
2018
Frankie Dettori - bet you haven't thought about him for a long time. You are welcome.
Sun 7 Oct 19:17
2018
@john_17jackson You can get anything in TK Maxx if you look hard enough. I once found a real mammoth egg.
Sun 7 Oct 17:18
2018
Lucky for blind Jean, Marcel donated his #eyes at death. Jean donated them upon his death and so did Claude, who re… https://t.co/eajVhzAzXi
Sun 7 Oct 16:46
2018
Mark Hughes half time team talk: "lads, they say you're most vulnerable after scoring a goal. Therefore, you must b… https://t.co/DdzOcbC8Gj
Sun 7 Oct 15:59
2018
Friend said he was 2 mins away from my house. Waited about 5 mins & the doorbell went. Thinking it was my friend, I… https://t.co/NvwLW06QWZ
Sun 7 Oct 15:43
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 4: https://t.co/ms2YGjT6SA
Sun 7 Oct 15:39
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/C03zv8ulPi
Sun 7 Oct 15:38
2018
Chelsea are flying, fine. But #SaintsFC look so flat; every close up, the players look like they're at a funeral.
Sun 7 Oct 15:04
2018
@MattyEarle That Lee/Mayuka partnership was never given a chance.
Sun 7 Oct 14:57
2018
People who pronounce all the syllables in veg-e-ta-bles unnerve me.
Sun 7 Oct 09:55
2018
@Paulr04 There it is. https://t.co/YNMvUiWia8
Sat 6 Oct 17:52
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 3: https://t.co/iWFluuQoiD
Sat 6 Oct 15:59
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/3AhzEaDyxB
Sat 6 Oct 15:58
2018
Nigel, Tony and Ian. Nige doesn't know his arse from his fin. I've seen the silly bastard try to eat a pebble repe… https://t.co/k9zgIu2SRb
Sat 6 Oct 14:24
2018
@Paulr04 Yeah I'll stick it up on here when I take the pic. He half did it on one wall, decided that wasn't right a… https://t.co/S8u8BGDAiZ
Sat 6 Oct 14:23
2018
@Paulr04 No, I will in a bit though, I'm going past it in a few minutes. Apparently it's been allowed. The misses… https://t.co/GA5U9kwVCZ
Sat 6 Oct 14:19
2018
A "local artist" has sprayed a crude chavvy, single mum pig with a pram, smoking, with "I ♥️ #Swindon" on its top,… https://t.co/iHdbQ41I42
Sat 6 Oct 14:13
2018
Daddy long legs are the worst at being an animal. I've been watching one piss about in my front room for the past h… https://t.co/NQdAfWnMVw
Sat 6 Oct 09:08
2018
@Muscleswhelan Is that the natural progression? Born - love sleep - then white goods - planes - dinosaurs - brandy.
Fri 5 Oct 18:26
2018
@Muscleswhelan It's how you found that out that's the questionable bit.
Fri 5 Oct 13:40
2018
My kid is obsessed with white goods. The washing machine and dryer, the fridge and freezer. Loves them. Nothing mak… https://t.co/jErROYl740
Fri 5 Oct 11:26
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/LwL5mZDZww
Fri 5 Oct 10:32
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 2: https://t.co/B5pB4I1n2i
Fri 5 Oct 10:31
2018
#10DayMovieChallenge 1. Post a photo of a movie that had an impact on you 2. No comments or explanations Day 1: https://t.co/I5WALgtOzk
Thu 4 Oct 13:04
2018
@simgeo35 @Paulr04 Mr Brain's pork faggots for me. It was illegal not to eat them with mash and peas. Like what the box suggested.
Thu 4 Oct 11:56
2018
@Summers2theB Rim* I'm going to write this here too because I don't simply want to write the word rim out of context.
Thu 4 Oct 11:55
2018
@Summers2theB Your brandy sloshing over the Rik of your glass as you gesticulate during a rant about the closure of… https://t.co/vl8hcx7ln4
Thu 4 Oct 11:54
2018
@simgeo35 @Paulr04 They're specifically listed as a no-no in the old testament alongside pork, shellfish and Findus crispy pancakes.
Thu 4 Oct 11:53
2018
@hill_author Thank you 🌝
Thu 4 Oct 11:51
2018
@simgeo35 @Paulr04 you utter tart. They better be the originals and not the Branston Pickle ones, otherwise I'm going to do a shit.
Thu 4 Oct 11:34
2018
@Paulr04 @simgeo35 It was both delicious and restorative. I feel like a new man. A new man with a headache.
Thu 4 Oct 11:28
2018
why is alcohol so cheeky now? middle-aged women can't even mention having a wine (or two!) without cackling. "Lads… https://t.co/3Lt1dcdE69
Thu 4 Oct 11:26
2018
@simgeo35 Sort-of related. I Once heard 2 women on a bus discussing the Halliwell murders. Competing as to who was… https://t.co/z9gMggFSEX
Thu 4 Oct 11:16
2018
@Summers2theB @john_17jackson I would have but I didn't want people to know I was hungover on a Thursday. I'm like Bridgette Jones.
Thu 4 Oct 11:09
2018
@simgeo35 Woah, what was that clanging noise? Did someone just drop a massive name?
Thu 4 Oct 11:06
2018
@Summers2theB @john_17jackson Oh here he is, Captain Hindsight. Strutting in, bold as brass. I don't recall YOU sug… https://t.co/PHPKDZmu5U
Thu 4 Oct 10:57
2018
@john_17jackson I've already ordered! 50 minutes and still a no show! Where's my bacon :(
Thu 4 Oct 10:26
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/HT0gtxYA5Z
Thu 4 Oct 10:13
2018
#Swindon - Does anyone know if anywhere does a full English (to take away) in Swindon Town Centre? This is EXTREMELY urgent.
Thu 4 Oct 09:15
2018
@AlanParry83 Same to you 🌝
Wed 3 Oct 17:20
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/NVPWLJYP1a
Wed 3 Oct 14:38
2018
I don't like talking POLURTIKS because I find it less useful than the shite I normally talk, which is saying someth… https://t.co/m5kMTzYx6z
Wed 3 Oct 14:34
2018
@Helenreade5 There are so many others you get mixed up but I went blank!
Wed 3 Oct 08:17
2018
She always struggled with idioms. "Bull in a haystack", "biting at the chomp", "6 of one, a dozen of the other". He… https://t.co/G1nk07Ujh3
Wed 3 Oct 08:15
2018
@DannySaint1 Absolute belter!
Tue 2 Oct 18:41
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/l4WQyBEqsW
Tue 2 Oct 18:23
2018
Tue 2 Oct 18:13
2018
Stupid monkey can't count. https://t.co/Tm8VwGlKk2
Tue 2 Oct 11:48
2018
#vss365 The lamentations did not echo in the dry, arid bowl. The beleaguered princes threw up their standards &, be… https://t.co/a6CMryf6zO
Mon 1 Oct 19:56
2018
If you want proof as to why Al Pacino is a great actor, understand this. He is actually, secretly, a Chinese woman… https://t.co/jwQb2FJvHo
Mon 1 Oct 19:11
2018
@simgeo35 A niche one is https://t.co/qCxSimd6qm Lots of men dressed as women and vice versa. I saw a Moorish gent… https://t.co/ik5DciQqpn
Mon 1 Oct 12:56
2018
@simgeo35 You should try https://t.co/MBwZNCYRbP , some lovely wenches on there.
Mon 1 Oct 12:49
2018
#10DayTVChallenge TV shows that had an impact on you. Day 3. https://t.co/WNFc7oTaMg
Mon 1 Oct 08:14
2018
@simgeo35 Judging by the style of armour and the heraldry on the far left, I'd guess they're Germans. So whatever they're doing, its sexual.
Mon 1 Oct 08:10
2018
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB Oh no. Shots fired! This has the potential to turn into a quinoa fight. Thank you, you've rescued my night.
Sun 30 Sep 18:42
2018
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB I don't know why I'm so obsessed with seeing it but I can't find it. My night of ruined. RUINED.
Sun 30 Sep 18:33
2018
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 What program/channel was this? I'd love to see Nigel mildly lose his temper.
Sun 30 Sep 18:26
2018
@simgeo35 They need the talents of Craig Shakespeare.
Sun 30 Sep 10:24
2018
@simgeo35 Fergie was all out attack. Didn't care if he conceded because he'd score 3 more. Moyes was functional and… https://t.co/jGz4t8KJnB
Sun 30 Sep 10:23
2018
#10DayTVChallenge #10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed… https://t.co/OW8UcPLwtI
Sun 30 Sep 09:09
2018
#POPFACT Republican politician, Kavana, in trouble for sexual harassment after telling an entire generation of teen… https://t.co/lIiRQEVAVm
Sat 29 Sep 20:18
2018
@MattyEarle Zidane's free, and I hear he's learning English.
Sat 29 Sep 19:25
2018
@simgeo35 What's he done to Nige'?
Sat 29 Sep 14:14
2018
#10DayTVChallenge Ten TV shows that had an impact on me, posted over ten days. I’m only allowed to post one photo.… https://t.co/YdRht1Oqk2
Sat 29 Sep 08:19
2018
Has anybody seen my Luger? I might have left it at monkey world.
Sat 29 Sep 08:15
2018
#POPFACT Peacocking popinjay, wearer of your Nan's favourite chair fabric, and Charles II's workshy fop-of-a-twin,… https://t.co/qDl2sDoxZZ
Fri 28 Sep 14:11
2018
@SouthCoastRed "Bargain? I'll give you a bargain, 40 pills for £100 quid from my mate in Moss Side! And they're all… https://t.co/63ynnoERKw
Fri 28 Sep 12:21
2018
'ER INDOORS wants the house repainted to freshen it up. We could do that... Or... I could use the money to get a tu… https://t.co/Cb1CvTWzGF
Fri 28 Sep 07:47
2018
My dog ate my housework.
Fri 28 Sep 07:43
2018
Todays gripes with telly chefs. 1) I don't care if food is "authentic", I want it to be tasty. That's why I don't… https://t.co/uZDyun2ryU
Thu 27 Sep 18:52
2018
Disney's Frozen is both a film and a true statement, on account of Walt Disney being cryogenically frozen.
Thu 27 Sep 15:04
2018
@simgeo35 It's in our jars, it's in our CAKES. It'll be innour schools soon!
Thu 27 Sep 10:25
2018
@simgeo35 My only real issue with it is how intensely, patronising and firmly people judge macaroons. Great British… https://t.co/VuRmGfQPF4
Thu 27 Sep 08:07
2018
#Vss365 My son's devious. His #nefarious machinations often involve getting to plantpots to gobble up soil. "No!" I… https://t.co/PTfr0N3rQR
Mon 24 Sep 19:41
2018
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 I found the gorgs quite harrowing.
Mon 24 Sep 13:05
2018
@simgeo35 About fraggles.
Mon 24 Sep 07:47
2018
@71_per I think that's probably exactly it. The big iPads are a step too far for me. Taking ten minutes to analyse… https://t.co/KkZDPPNjbj
Sun 23 Sep 14:08
2018
Post man Pit, Post man Pit, Post man Pit and his blick and whahhht kit. South African Postman Pat
Sun 23 Sep 14:06
2018
I love football, but it's just hit me. Why is there so much televised analysis around it? Gary Neville talks about… https://t.co/QHc9Ilr3uq
Sun 23 Sep 13:07
2018
Jamie Carragher needs to calm down. Just discussing something as irrelevant to him as Theo Walcott's career, he loo… https://t.co/aueAAXrhGl
Sun 23 Sep 13:01
2018
We've got Liverpool right where we want them. #SaintsFC
Sat 22 Sep 16:23
2018
Hoedt isn't one of our finest players of all time is he. #SaintsFC
Sat 22 Sep 15:19
2018
@DaftLimmy Michael Barrymore.
Sat 22 Sep 13:05
2018
Nelson Mandela! Finally. Ever since that song, Passenger - Let Her Go, came out, I've been trying to work out who… https://t.co/pQ8dWfivUW
Sat 22 Sep 11:48
2018
Fads that kids are into these days are ridiculous. That extremely camp "floss" dance; "baby shark do do do", etc. I… https://t.co/EirxYsWn36
Sat 22 Sep 09:07
2018
@Helenreade5 Why are you picking on your keys? You also lose your purse every day,.your phone 5 times a day and mov… https://t.co/JVlxJk1kIj
Sat 22 Sep 07:45
2018
@Madelei59233215 @Barbara52744094 @DevillineS @ravenmadeofclay @PoetsnWriters @Hannajill1 @WyrdSyster @MeadowLoveshttps://t.co/VEOWHDbv54
Fri 21 Sep 20:30
2018
@Summers2theB They've reclaimed the word nonce. Only they're allowed to say it or its a hate crime.
Fri 21 Sep 17:34
2018
#vss365 Tony entered the pawn broker's. He wanted to buy Pam something shiny, "she's like a magpie that girl", he c… https://t.co/ZNEncvhCs1
Fri 21 Sep 15:56
2018
#TELLYFACT Big Ears off Noddy wasn't christened Big Ears It's a nasty nickname all the bullying wankers in Toy Lan… https://t.co/TTt6NPUVbK
Fri 21 Sep 09:26
2018
You're doubting my loyalty are you? My favourite musical artist is still Kavana.
Thu 20 Sep 21:59
2018
"I went to the supermarket and, ironically, Jaegy was on offer so I got some." The English have suddenly become LE… https://t.co/lc0pZGLNQw
Thu 20 Sep 21:49
2018
@Saints_Mike7167 Try and sneak Ings on, then if he plays well against Liverpool, at the end of the season they migh… https://t.co/bZXj2HZ5Sr
Thu 20 Sep 18:34
2018
Little known fact - Mr. Sheen's first name is Bawn. Mr. Bawn Sheen is the scientific exact opposite of Mr. Sean Bea… https://t.co/8S7VeqHmDG
Wed 19 Sep 21:08
2018
@simgeo35 It's owned by Centre Parks, now.
Wed 19 Sep 10:05
2018
@simgeo35 A girl at my old job was organising a hen do somewhere in eastern Europe because "cheap booze". She googl… https://t.co/A58AIs7EOr
Wed 19 Sep 09:45
2018
@simgeo35 The great gilet populariser. My favourite manager was Craig Shakespeare. I often draw his face while on… https://t.co/HDN2lDqtvE
Wed 19 Sep 09:39
2018
@simgeo35 There's nothing I'd like more at my wedding than for an awkward Tory in a gilet to pose for a photo with me.
Wed 19 Sep 09:22
2018
#Vss365 Rights of passage; coming of age, Bah Mitvah; reserve over rage. Killing a lion; proving your zeal! Fighti… https://t.co/5qM80VNq0Z
Tue 18 Sep 08:00
2018
The misses has a little device she straps to her belt that says "pedo meter" on it. I'm not sure how it knows who i… https://t.co/zc2sw0QPYs
Mon 17 Sep 20:46
2018
@simgeo35 Usually used to ridicule someone whose opinion slightly different from the poster's.
Mon 17 Sep 14:17
2018
@simgeo35 Oh god, that's the most common one.
Mon 17 Sep 14:11
2018
This might be a controversial thing to say on Twitter but... Ok, here we go... I don't enjoy memes or GIFS.
Mon 17 Sep 13:15
2018
@Bofferson Thanks! 😉
Mon 17 Sep 12:29
2018
#Vss365 Her eyes were beady, Her teeth were #measly. Her hair was thin, She smelt of gin. Her cigarettes chained, H… https://t.co/NFJWzO5Nov
Mon 17 Sep 12:00
2018
Just switched on Goodbye Mr. Chips and was extremely disappointed that this guy didn't feature for even a second. https://t.co/ZdvGkWYxZY
Sun 16 Sep 13:22
2018
I wonder if Jess Glynne sits down at the piano and thinks, "right, what advert can I write this song for?"
Sun 16 Sep 13:09
2018
What makes chefs feel they can be SO arrogant. #GreatBritishMenu is cringe-worthy. The tension, judging & criticism… https://t.co/HnAGIZuPXN
Sun 16 Sep 11:33
2018
@Helenreade5 Beautiful Helen. Seeing that little message you wrote back then and having our son there was very special.
Sun 16 Sep 10:01
2018
@maddielee27 Don't we all.
Sun 16 Sep 09:30
2018
@maddielee27 I've liked it for you. Better?
Sun 16 Sep 09:29
2018
@maddielee27 I hate the word "whom"; a word solely devised for correcting people and feeling superior. Too formal.… https://t.co/hySN16wE5a
Sun 16 Sep 09:26
2018
@TatankaRick I've never seen him play but I'd suspect not.
Sat 15 Sep 07:37
2018
#vss365 "Take my card, we'll sell your house, don't you worry." the #wiry fingers of the estate agent brushed the… https://t.co/o4feTu99OD
Fri 14 Sep 16:49
2018
@john_17jackson either him or you (probably you as you had experience) would get the job centre job, find that pers… https://t.co/tzRihuyPIx
Fri 14 Sep 16:13
2018
This would be a perpetual cycle of being employed by the job centre, immediately made redundant, then being the onl… https://t.co/FUooNNwRB4
Fri 14 Sep 15:51
2018
If you worked in a job centre, were so good you found EVERYONE jobs, you'd be made redundant & the only unemployed… https://t.co/AstocS3zyG
Fri 14 Sep 15:50
2018
When did "saying it how it is" stop showing a lack of intelligence and subtlety, make someone rude, tactless and un… https://t.co/WRBvqn3oBd
Fri 14 Sep 14:10
2018
@john_17jackson @richardogrady85 What about john Obi Mikel?
Fri 14 Sep 12:59
2018
@richardogrady85 @john_17jackson If he had it his way, he'd bring Essien in.
Fri 14 Sep 12:55
2018
@john_17jackson @richardogrady85 Hmm.
Fri 14 Sep 12:45
2018
@richardogrady85 @john_17jackson Man city sign everyone. I'm currently technically a reserve goalkeeper for them.
Fri 14 Sep 12:41
2018
@john_17jackson @richardogrady85 Course he will. Playing competitive matches consistently is how young players flourish.
Fri 14 Sep 12:40
2018
@john_17jackson @richardogrady85 He should go on loan. If he doesn't play week in week out he won't hit potential. Newcastle or someone.
Fri 14 Sep 12:37
2018
@maddielee27 High praise indeed.
Fri 14 Sep 10:43
2018
Fri 14 Sep 00:00
2018
#POPFACT Cambodian dictator and leader of the Khmer Rouge, Paul Potts, may have made your nan cry with his renditio… https://t.co/3mZ7jIUfRQ
Thu 13 Sep 23:15
2018
@adamhess1 Isn't it funny how you've only just realised this second that so many of your followers (according to th… https://t.co/uJcSDGuzRU
Thu 13 Sep 20:06
2018
@simgeo35 One of them I should imagine.
Thu 13 Sep 20:03
2018
@simgeo35 There's also a bit of Peter Kay (mouth), Paul McCartney and Carol Thatcher in there.
Thu 13 Sep 19:58
2018
@simgeo35 It's like young tiny Blackburn bred with old Tony Blackburn and they gave birth to a 52 year old baby.
Thu 13 Sep 19:58
2018
#RoaldDahlDay2018 Cheesy I know, but Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka has always been my absolute hero - my favourite fil… https://t.co/T5GeN9rIQq
Thu 13 Sep 14:58
2018
My rap name is Pope Urban II. (or Pope Urban Junior) First album - The Sermon at Claremizzle.
Thu 13 Sep 12:16
2018
There once was a #simpleton from Manilla, Who was sent down for being a killer. People spat and threw stones, So he… https://t.co/Xe5VjbbKl4
Thu 13 Sep 08:53
2018
@simgeo35 I went on that, once. A tramp was drinking supermarket's own sherry on it at 7am and two women were passi… https://t.co/czDg1pWygm
Wed 12 Sep 18:22
2018
#POPFACT Pint-sized, permed, pop-squeaker, Leo Sayer, asks for nothing in his tour rider apart from a live chub in… https://t.co/KROPqwKDGy
Wed 12 Sep 16:13
2018
#vss365 I am a background #character, In my own life's story. The one who gets the tea and coffee, But never gets the glory.
Wed 12 Sep 13:35
2018
@simgeo35 Their claim to have "the super powers of a human" doesn't inspire awe.
Wed 12 Sep 12:27
2018
Think of this. What are the chances? I mean percentage-wise? at one point, ALL of the members of The Human League w… https://t.co/BD9O95KXu2
Wed 12 Sep 12:25
2018
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB You can't be anonymous. The citrus scent emanating from your arse gives you away.
Tue 11 Sep 21:45
2018
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB Was it a lemony arse meeting?
Tue 11 Sep 21:43
2018
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Which is why he still has a perfect set of teeth in his anus. Scurvy-free.
Tue 11 Sep 20:31
2018
@simgeo35 But have you ever seen him with scurvy? No. So who's the idiot now?
Tue 11 Sep 19:51
2018
I just said to my 9 month old, trying to walk, "if at first you don't succeed..." He looked at me and said, "...Dad… https://t.co/H2xkHt9qPO
Tue 11 Sep 19:11
2018