Joe - profile image
Joe
@JoeSalter89
yelling nonsense at all my robot advertising followers then crying myself to sleep. #SaintsFC hairdresser to the stars, tycoon, model, liar.
Followers: 370
Following: 280
Total tweets sent: 7120
Member since: Sun 11 Sep 2011


Joe Latest Tweets

@john_17jackson mate, why does the name Diogo Dalot suit you so much. Why weren't you christened it?
Sun 16 Dec 17:03
2018
@richardogrady85 @SouthamptonFC You'll be fine. Only thing that stopped you winning about 7-3 was aubamyang not bei… https://t.co/PEwrMQ3eQl
Sun 16 Dec 15:35
2018
#SaintsFC 🔴⚪🔴⚪!!!
Sun 16 Dec 15:24
2018
@john_17jackson Early days yet. Much like the grand old Duke of York, we may have marched up to the top of the hill… https://t.co/RFclgTZKxs
Sun 16 Dec 14:27
2018
Tyreke Johnson on the bench today. Used to live down my street in Swindon growing up and play football on the field… https://t.co/WVlscamrvn
Sun 16 Dec 13:36
2018
@richardogrady85 @simgeo35 Sorry, I'm a shouty loud American
Sun 16 Dec 13:16
2018
@richardogrady85 @simgeo35 YOU'RE FUNNY.
Sun 16 Dec 13:15
2018
@richardogrady85 @simgeo35 Him, Jim Carey, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Steve Carell. All the same. Shouty, loud, annoying children.
Sun 16 Dec 13:14
2018
@stighefootball @lucyhighnett His stock line is "I don't think [insert manager name] knows his best team. I really don't."
Sun 16 Dec 13:05
2018
This advert came up on my twitter feed. Trying that classic trick, enticing me in with a pretty crown green bowler.… https://t.co/Felgcm84TQ
Sun 16 Dec 13:03
2018
@simgeo35 I don't understand the hype. It's an OTT American shouty film.
Sun 16 Dec 13:01
2018
@simgeo35 Rick Stein next, telling us that whatever country he happens to be in has the best food. He (as the count… https://t.co/p7W0D8zTWK
Sat 15 Dec 12:01
2018
@simgeo35 His leftovers would make a Tsar blush. I don't think I've ever had leftover cod cheeks wrapped in greasep… https://t.co/eNszRHVBbF
Sat 15 Dec 11:52
2018
@simgeo35 Every time he says "soft and crisp" I down a shot of Benedictine.
Sat 15 Dec 11:48
2018
@richardogrady85 @Arsenal @FKQarabaghEN @6_LKOSCIELNY Sorry, you CLEARLY don't know Arsene FC.
Thu 13 Dec 19:59
2018
@richardogrady85 @Arsenal @FKQarabaghEN @6_LKOSCIELNY Granit Saka and Henrikh Nketiah start too mate. Surprised Jac… https://t.co/vyO14zLmRy
Thu 13 Dec 19:49
2018
Why can politicians not understand popular culture? Football, music, etc. I hope one of them, being "laddish", cla… https://t.co/V2lgZlgvh6
Thu 13 Dec 11:34
2018
@simgeo35 One of the many motoring songs of the Rea of the year. I prefer "5 point turn", "rubbernecking blues", "… https://t.co/viFkmowwDP
Wed 12 Dec 16:40
2018
That's MISTER Blobby to you.
Wed 12 Dec 16:34
2018
This is for sale on the inter-web. https://t.co/KQfBcy9jL1
Wed 12 Dec 16:09
2018
@RealBobMortimer will you invest? https://t.co/gR169a4pQV
Wed 12 Dec 14:31
2018
I'm developing an app that lets excited children track Chris Rea's whereabouts on his annual drive home for Christm… https://t.co/MMMbdKsPU5
Wed 12 Dec 14:17
2018
Apparently this is the must have game of 2018. The idea of it is that you stand there wearing a swimming cap while… https://t.co/8sDjNmCeSW
Wed 12 Dec 08:17
2018
@philextence The medieval people used to shit in the kitchen. Didn't do them any harm; some of them lived to the ripe old age of 30!
Mon 10 Dec 20:49
2018
I love my 1 year old son but if he asked me out for a pint, I'd decline. He's currently crying at a kitchen stool.… https://t.co/M1nWaViNP4
Mon 10 Dec 18:46
2018
@simgeo35 I watched that (after you pointed it out to me) and it was excellent. There is nothing more Scottish than The Proclaimers' jeans.
Mon 10 Dec 16:59
2018
@simgeo35 that's you that is. Walter Wetwang. Spending Edward III's assault on Scotland wetting your wang. Despicab… https://t.co/yTeKYraSFq
Sun 9 Dec 21:48
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow In the same sense that Jethro is great to those who follow him around the nation's bingo halls.
Sun 9 Dec 21:21
2018
Why are the larger apes respected so much? If you accidentally call a chimp a monkey, without fail, someone will… https://t.co/eemaxYwXKS
Sun 9 Dec 20:51
2018
HISTORICAL FACT: During his time at school, Gothic poet and all round emo, Edgar Allen Poe, used to get called "Squ… https://t.co/hKz6dhJoZe
Sun 9 Dec 16:37
2018
@MattyEarle It's like when telly chefs say, "add two fresh eggs". I'm standing there in my pants, holding two magg… https://t.co/KL8tLwDvgU
Sun 9 Dec 16:33
2018
The misses is sat in the front room watching the snowman, crying. Because I called her fat.
Sun 9 Dec 16:30
2018
@john_17jackson I went there to get my passport renewed once. It was like a zombie apocalypse film just with commun… https://t.co/6qVwGx0zFc
Sat 8 Dec 15:50
2018
Got to say, only two out and out attack minded players are Austin and Redmond. Not a confident "let's get at 'em" t… https://t.co/7xvBwpigiN
Sat 8 Dec 15:34
2018
#imaceleb As difficult as most of the trials are, being in a cage with a baby crocodile with its mouth taped up i… https://t.co/dyHtXCi7wp
Fri 7 Dec 21:24
2018
https://t.co/CrNnUMnYTX Quiz where you have to guess which footballer a computer game version of them is meant to… https://t.co/dLmBpNJ28a
Fri 7 Dec 19:52
2018
Just outside Earth's atmosphere, there is Earth's ambiance. It smells of crab linguine and a crisp New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.
Thu 6 Dec 18:22
2018
Right. Can we sort this out once and for all? Why did it become fashionable for fully grown men to be scared of ho… https://t.co/Q7ZXSwxYQE
Thu 6 Dec 18:04
2018
I like artistry. The 'ist'ry of art.
Thu 6 Dec 14:24
2018
That Santa Baby song comes round every year and nobody seems to mention how odd it is. Why is this woman sexualisi… https://t.co/jwv0e0IT02
Thu 6 Dec 13:07
2018
@RyanMac67871446 I'm expecting him to bring all the chicken portions back to life!
Wed 5 Dec 22:15
2018
#Masterchef Marcus Wareing looks like one of the White Walkers from Game of Thrones, nowadays. https://t.co/w0uZY7IpJi
Wed 5 Dec 20:55
2018
@maddielee27 What about when you don't like someone and you just type "Regards" so they know you're furious? I assu… https://t.co/TZzql5RSvw
Wed 5 Dec 14:07
2018
@maddielee27 I hate typing receive. My finger always wants to put the I before the E. My brain knows the truth but… https://t.co/K7AECp8nUR
Wed 5 Dec 14:01
2018
@richardogrady85 Quality service and low, low prices. £2 a meal. 2 a day that's £4.
Tue 4 Dec 12:45
2018
@richardogrady85 You have to come to the till and order then wait in the queue until you get served. Only then can… https://t.co/34BStGmgBP
Tue 4 Dec 12:06
2018
Fed up of fast food, I'm going to start my own slow food chain. Pulled pork, lamb shank, braised steak etc. The wai… https://t.co/720Cbzs5jA
Tue 4 Dec 09:28
2018
If Ralph Hasenhuttl comes to #SaintsFC just as a stepping stone to inevitably take over Everton or the like in a co… https://t.co/rcLivKdaRk
Mon 3 Dec 13:31
2018
@john_17jackson Nah I was joking. He was poo.
Mon 3 Dec 13:31
2018
@john_17jackson André Villas-Boas is free!
Mon 3 Dec 13:22
2018
#Imaceleb I've officially become my own Nan. The misses had to correct me because after seeing him back flip, I th… https://t.co/JNx9tCBWRn
Sun 2 Dec 22:32
2018
When you're single and young you have things like posters of bands on your bachelor pad wall. Then you get a misse… https://t.co/U9sp8iOcIK
Sun 2 Dec 20:36
2018
For anyone who was born after the '80s/'90s, this picture tells you all you need to know about the 1990s. https://t.co/ccetTfjmye
Sun 2 Dec 18:27
2018
@simgeo35 Even Iceland sponsor one of the Nordic international stadiums. I forget which.
Sun 2 Dec 15:31
2018
Since Emery has come in, #Arsenal have been much more likeable. I've never liked them under Arsene "I didn't see th… https://t.co/tu7SdJ53Yn
Sun 2 Dec 15:21
2018
@MattyEarle Maybe he can go sort out Hughes then, because he's criminal.
Sun 2 Dec 10:32
2018
Just seen the #wilderfury fight. @Tyson_Fury one of the yank judges even had Wilder up attached 115. Goes to show w… https://t.co/xppUbwBpbN
Sun 2 Dec 10:32
2018
#vss365 They entered the ruins. "Hush! Beware your footsteps, the #dead sleep lightly here." A creek; a smash - a… https://t.co/ZJgqeM7hvD
Sat 1 Dec 14:56
2018
Love songs always use the word "baby". In what real life circumstance would calling someone or being called baby n… https://t.co/X8nzQtNfAR
Sat 1 Dec 14:52
2018
Driving home for Christmas Road to Hell Happy on the Road Curse of the Traveller On the Beach Gone Fishing… https://t.co/sWfaQJ1kmp
Sat 1 Dec 14:46
2018
Will no one rid me of this fraudulent priest? https://t.co/J7gAO8zuJE
Fri 30 Nov 18:59
2018
@simgeo35 Craig. It's Craig. He always has a Baileys and talks about the glorious revolution.
Fri 30 Nov 18:49
2018
@simgeo35 I hope they answer the age old question. Who is hardest, Craig or Charlie?
Fri 30 Nov 18:33
2018
@simgeo35 Oh wow. I've put it down to record. I'm genuinely quite excited. I hope they do Sunshine on Leith... Shirtless.
Fri 30 Nov 18:27
2018
@simgeo35 Who wasn't? Oh yeah, THE UGLY BOYZ.
Thu 29 Nov 22:59
2018
QUESTION!! What was the best tune you ever walked into primary school assembly to? Enigma - "Return to Innocence" for me.
Thu 29 Nov 22:29
2018
Throughout the video of "Say Hello, Wave Goodbye" by Soft Cell, Marc Almond looks like my late Nan when she was young.
Thu 29 Nov 13:41
2018
@Summers2theB Ceausescu used to purposely have his slightly burnt as well as refusing gravy. He's actually cough th… https://t.co/5rIqaUwN9d
Wed 28 Nov 21:12
2018
@Summers2theB And you haven't committed a single war crime. All thanks to a gravy-heavy roast
Wed 28 Nov 19:54
2018
I keep seeing people putting up pictures of the dryest, gravy-free roast dinners. Stop it. Just stop it. If a roast… https://t.co/YjU6xlis3r
Wed 28 Nov 19:16
2018
#imaceleb eating challenge. Sure it's not nice drinking cockroach smoothies but a harder one would be a cup of tea… https://t.co/TNL1UmQSdx
Wed 28 Nov 12:48
2018
@simgeo35 Well, you're a strong, independent, feminist businesswoman. Why would you take Mrs. knowing it has an imp… https://t.co/DlS2suzOgv
Wed 28 Nov 10:24
2018
@simgeo35 I'm so hipster and different that I've decided to fully back Theresa May, because I'm original.
Tue 27 Nov 19:51
2018
@simgeo35 I prefer underground gigs. Less commercial ones, where they sell IPA and political parties only I and a s… https://t.co/aXCA16wL9x
Tue 27 Nov 19:50
2018
@simgeo35 I was going to before you did... But I thought it was just WAY too commercial.
Tue 27 Nov 19:47
2018
This sign in Starbucks window looks like it's a sarcastic '90s sign. "Parent Friendly Place...not" https://t.co/8agPNe4aRp
Tue 27 Nov 13:55
2018
I'd like to build a canal aquarium. A glass tunnel in a canal so people can see the wonders of the deep. A Chubb wi… https://t.co/gaNgyzsdJT
Mon 26 Nov 18:17
2018
@simgeo35 Hugh just made a celeriac soup and said to make it more festive he wanted to add pesto. How is pesto fest… https://t.co/YP3y2jDuUq
Sun 25 Nov 17:24
2018
Got bored and downloaded an app that tells me what I'll look like at certain ages. Apparently when I'm 50, I'll be… https://t.co/jup5taHaFC
Sun 25 Nov 16:39
2018
@simgeo35 And celiacs. Good.
Sun 25 Nov 11:10
2018
@simgeo35 A sweeping statement I know, but I don't like quiche. Maybe I do deserve to be exterminated. Who wants qu… https://t.co/zVl2j8tEnF
Sun 25 Nov 10:58
2018
@Summers2theB Is there anything more Scottish than The Proclaimers' jeans? https://t.co/wE9Bivyyon
Sun 25 Nov 10:36
2018
@Summers2theB Ah huh. Ah huh ah huh ah huh. Otherwise known as yes.
Sun 25 Nov 10:35
2018
@john_17jackson you think you're Bongo from U2.
Sun 25 Nov 10:21
2018
@simgeo35 That makes me feel 1% better.
Sun 25 Nov 00:27
2018
I've been on about The Proclaimers (I know) for a while. But the misses has just said she fancies Charlie Reid, not… https://t.co/6UWR2H5cLO
Sun 25 Nov 00:03
2018
I live in Swindon, on the M4 corridor. Not far from London, really. But every time a celebrity on telly mentions w… https://t.co/tcnaC2uHLf
Sat 24 Nov 22:22
2018
@SouthCoastRed Much more comfortable with that. Disappointed I didn't think of that.
Sat 24 Nov 15:33
2018
@SouthCoastRed I did a quick google before making my flimsy assertion and that was the first suggestion. I'm not ha… https://t.co/gFsocnTPfD
Sat 24 Nov 15:29
2018
SUNDAY morning (Velvet Underground) I don't like MONDAYs (Boom Town Rats) TUESDAY's gone with the wind (L. Skynyrd)… https://t.co/RWU80DGG5u
Sat 24 Nov 15:03
2018
The proclaimers - 500 miles. 500 miles + 500 more. Double that because they're twins. Then double again for the re… https://t.co/GjJF2dMeKX
Sat 24 Nov 14:12
2018
There is actually only one Proclaimer. It's just that the Scots are so drunk they've seen two for the last 30 years
Sat 24 Nov 11:55
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow I'm not a human really. I'm a sort of spirit that represents the weird feeling you get when someon… https://t.co/4OqOx6GANu
Sat 24 Nov 11:52
2018
Scroll down 🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑 🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑 🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑 🌒 🌓 Keep scrolling 🌔 🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑 🌒 🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑 🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕 🌖 🌗… https://t.co/D2XAq45D3O
Sat 24 Nov 11:49
2018
A single portion of stew takes longer to reheat on the hob or in the microwave than the entire stew takes to cook.
Sat 24 Nov 10:32
2018
Richard E. Grant is the most '90s actor. He's so '90s, his middle name is 'E'.
Fri 23 Nov 19:33
2018
@simgeo35 He revealed earlier in the episode that he'd been bitten by an ape on holiday and was recovering from parasites.
Fri 23 Nov 17:59
2018
@simgeo35 I'm glad of this little conversation. It distracted me from Si & Dave talking to a very drab man about he… https://t.co/RQ2isbRVuh
Fri 23 Nov 17:55
2018
@simgeo35 Ah, see there's me just thinking he was a bit petulant and sassy. Thus ADDING to the problem of men not t… https://t.co/a4zzjUMM2R
Fri 23 Nov 17:51
2018
@simgeo35 His mental state would worry me. All those antics towards the end of his playing career. Plus I'm worried… https://t.co/xPv12SE6FQ
Fri 23 Nov 17:38
2018
It's that time of year again! Celebrities attempting to peddle Swing albums to us all. This year we've had Bradl… https://t.co/D0fReRmJry
Fri 23 Nov 13:56
2018
@Muscleswhelan @90sWWE @VanDerHobbs "he's cleaning house."
Thu 22 Nov 15:35
2018
@Muscleswhelan @90sWWE @VanDerHobbs Those are serious, SERIOUS assaults.
Thu 22 Nov 15:07
2018
"I've always said it, Arthur, for an English holiday, Weston-Super-Mare is #peerless!" "Aye Ted, but since the fir… https://t.co/wiuOm67HRX
Thu 22 Nov 10:32
2018
@Muscleswhelan Littlefoot's Ma had it coming. What kind of dingbat fights a T-Rex? Not THIS dingbat that's for sure.
Wed 21 Nov 17:21
2018
Q: What does a happy German look like? A: Ü
Tue 20 Nov 17:37
2018
@Helenreade5 She's back!
Tue 20 Nov 16:01
2018
@SAINTSINFRANCE Have some respect everyone. That is the single greatest defender of our time! 😉
Sun 18 Nov 20:08
2018
I'm surprised the self proclaimed world's greatest defender didn't stop that Kane goal. #engcro
Sun 18 Nov 15:43
2018
That's a room I wouldn't want to be in. https://t.co/RPNBJ5mTKx
Sun 18 Nov 11:07
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow Ah, I'm glad I haven't accidentally mimicked a double act but also sad that I still haven't found… https://t.co/UFguglCBc9
Sat 17 Nov 14:03
2018
Why are so many cooking programs encouraging me to forage? Is this the government warning us of pending food short… https://t.co/8SBDYEDYVh
Sat 17 Nov 13:43
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow I can't find what you might mean. Have they posed this question before me? Am I an unoriginal buffoon? I
Sat 17 Nov 13:39
2018
I like to think I have a decent grasp of the English language, but one word I've always struggled with... Is it po… https://t.co/6qSxmE3LCF
Sat 17 Nov 12:20
2018
@sherdog91 If only Mark Lawrenson was on it. Oh stop it Joe, you're being a greedy bitch!
Sat 17 Nov 12:16
2018
The trinity are on #ImACeleb this year. Edmonds, Knowles, Redknapp.
Sat 17 Nov 09:37
2018
I know it's only the yanks but are my eyes deceiving me or have #England started really brightly and imaginatively,… https://t.co/vWOFgiPL8K
Thu 15 Nov 20:06
2018
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB Kylie Minogue isn't even REALLY Kylie Minogue anymore. Or at least most of her famed arse h… https://t.co/WJdnFApjXG
Thu 15 Nov 18:19
2018
@simgeo35 The reason for his mentalness is that he's so Dickensian he takes antimony and mercury when he has any ailments.
Thu 15 Nov 17:53
2018
If there's one bloke in the world I love, it's Father Christmas. A fat, pissed up, anti-burglar sloshing about the… https://t.co/WYT4s0AXG8
Thu 15 Nov 17:34
2018
When I get stuck at a metaphorical fork in the road, I always say to myself, "what would Jesus do?" Then I do the… https://t.co/UBedD7JTRL
Thu 15 Nov 14:22
2018
@TomEatW0rld All those stats say to me is that Cardiff are so shit their defenders do more. They've also conceded 2… https://t.co/rQmAvSD8b1
Thu 15 Nov 14:18
2018
Watched BBC Breakfast this morning. Don't like the banter. They spent a good 5 minutes talking about Fellaini's… https://t.co/1pJMJvZ9Y5
Thu 15 Nov 08:52
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow "mmmm. Another cracking coat. Reward meself with a green tea".
Wed 14 Nov 20:17
2018
In love with the shape of you by Ed Sheeran. He talks about being "in the club" doing shots with his mates. He'l… https://t.co/OYMIsOqsH9
Wed 14 Nov 20:12
2018
Just heard the misses say to the lad, "This weekend, we're gonna have a real sort out of your Lego and clothes." M… https://t.co/YstJTXsFHE
Wed 14 Nov 18:07
2018
I learnt everything I know at the school of hard knobs, apart from double checking tweets for autocorrect.
Wed 14 Nov 13:55
2018
They called me the salmon of la piscine, In the municipal baths in Frome. I swam upstream against wave machines, An… https://t.co/go0H8A2Iwb
Tue 13 Nov 21:04
2018
@simgeo35 I'd hit the good stuff too if I had a record against the Turks that poor. So far all my dealings with the… https://t.co/EFakabcahT
Tue 13 Nov 19:14
2018
@Paulr04 Someone would spit at you. It's just not the done thing, to say the least.
Tue 13 Nov 18:22
2018
In school history/literature lessons, every Englishman and woman is taught that William Shakespeare died on his bir… https://t.co/5RJ6bHJOiS
Tue 13 Nov 18:22
2018
No one ever cooks a chili that isn't BIG, do they? Come round for dinner, I've done a BIG CHILI.
Tue 13 Nov 18:17
2018
@simgeo35 Will there be stingers?
Tue 13 Nov 11:23
2018
@adamhess1 Sole and Sol would always be together but then flour half way down the shop. I just want to batter some fish, not do a fun run.
Tue 13 Nov 11:22
2018
@ENGINEBREATH My fiancé worked in recruitment & said a lot of candidates were refused interview because their Faceb… https://t.co/kSSfIZLWs5
Mon 12 Nov 10:16
2018
@LaurenAshcroft2 If it was free and got it's revenue from advertising I think people would use it maybe. But £70 fo… https://t.co/4FczkKDqxI
Sun 11 Nov 21:34
2018
#DragonsDen Two blokes have come on with an app that rates your social media to tell you if it's appropriate for e… https://t.co/EIEfvqfHmm
Sun 11 Nov 21:22
2018
@john_17jackson @Joshanderson951 Saw that this-morning! I love it. Not because of the Parklife bit but because one… https://t.co/snm9Jm9vTA
Sun 11 Nov 11:05
2018
All #saintsfc need to do is train McCarthy every day for 15 hours until he's so good it's impossible to score again… https://t.co/lhJJPc9DYO
Sun 11 Nov 08:33
2018
@simgeo35 A man walking into the room in an odd fashion because he's dribbled a bit of piss on his grey slacks and is trying to hide it.
Sat 10 Nov 12:15
2018
My favourite Bond Girl is Daft Bint.
Fri 9 Nov 22:09
2018
The REAL winner of #GBBO was bread. Not the food, the band. Not the band "Bread", the band, "The Band". And Hollywo… https://t.co/Eq6PhFlzDS
Fri 9 Nov 17:22
2018
@SAINTSINFRANCE @drivepersonnel @JrmyPied @saintsworldfc Got to be Guly Do Prado, or "The Brazilian Pele" as they called him.
Wed 7 Nov 18:52
2018
@simgeo35 Probably by the guy who went to prison for rape but is now a pillar of the community, teaching kids to DJ… https://t.co/jNIS1iSAxT
Wed 7 Nov 17:33
2018
I miss youth centres. A grotty little hall with a broken pool table and a reformed murderer teaching how to break… https://t.co/aKBiGygrFm
Wed 7 Nov 15:34
2018
@Helenreade5 Stop going viral! 😉😘
Tue 6 Nov 12:53
2018
A list just told me that Dire Straits are one of the best Scottish bands of all time. I know Mark Knoppfler lived i… https://t.co/mOGNdtFo8a
Mon 5 Nov 13:58
2018
My dating profile reads: Favourite Activity - Swimming Favourite Food - Bread Now this desperate tart won't stop m… https://t.co/kR7fLbOCci
Mon 5 Nov 11:53
2018
@MattyEarle It's so cold and dark in the stadium. I'm the only one in here but I still believe we have this
Sun 4 Nov 18:33
2018
@MattyEarle I still believe we have city exactly where we want them...
Sun 4 Nov 18:28
2018
@simgeo35 I liked the Muller yogurt advert 🎶got my neck, got my legs, got my knees, got my head, got my wings got… https://t.co/MnBxekVa42
Sun 4 Nov 18:28
2018
@TomEatW0rld He insists everyone calls him "Hollywood".
Sun 4 Nov 16:45
2018
@TomEatW0rld Ah. I know. Shane Long's still on the pitch. It's in the bag.
Sun 4 Nov 16:37
2018
@TomEatW0rld He's leaving it a bit late. But who am I to question genius?
Sun 4 Nov 16:36
2018
#MCISOU #SaintsFC have City right where we want them. You just wait, this is a Mark Hughes Masterclass in the making. Like Ali/Foreman.
Sun 4 Nov 16:29
2018
#MildThingsIdDoForBrunoMarsInsteadOfCatchingAGrenadeForHim I would sit in the shade for you. Call a hamster Sinea… https://t.co/gmj6tzYaU2
Sun 4 Nov 13:33
2018
I have a theory that sound only travels upwards. When someone shouts upstairs to you, you hear it perfectly, shout… https://t.co/EYWudLCmS2
Sun 4 Nov 09:58
2018
@richardogrady85 Arsenal have been the best team to watch again so far this season. Also, Spurs are one point behin… https://t.co/6YUBSxzarY
Sat 3 Nov 20:15
2018
@SouthCoastRed It's still stunning. There's even a new Wilko's. It's like San Marino.
Sat 3 Nov 18:55
2018
@SouthCoastRed Born here and waiting for the day Iceland bring back the £1 peach Schnapps. It's the law that you ha… https://t.co/SF3Jg5YXbD
Sat 3 Nov 18:48
2018
@SouthCoastRed Iceland used to do a litre of peach schnapps for a quid. Gone are the days.
Sat 3 Nov 18:43
2018
@SouthCoastRed House special - Taboo.
Sat 3 Nov 18:40
2018
@SimonCWNotNZnow Can't go wrong with fortified wine, until you drink it.
Sat 3 Nov 18:15
2018
@SouthCoastRed "Anti-fashion is fashion" as they say. No more Monkey 47, pubs should only serve Frosty Jack's for t… https://t.co/hPXBvdrfp2
Sat 3 Nov 18:15
2018
Amazon is recommending gin ("Mother"s ruin") as a Father's Day gift. Gin, prosecco, real ale, now I hear rum is g… https://t.co/1gPVMm77Bj
Sat 3 Nov 18:00
2018
@MattyEarle A breakout of dysentery in the Man City camp. Unfortunately as it's not the year 1290 that's unlikely and we'll take a drubbing.
Sat 3 Nov 13:31
2018
@MattyEarle They missed the last part. "...SIKE!"
Sat 3 Nov 13:28
2018
I wear the gender neutral leg garments in my relationship!
Fri 2 Nov 07:33
2018
So... What's Person Winterfest going to bring you in his OR HER sack?
Thu 1 Nov 18:59
2018
Ive always wanted to see the #Aurora bore- aurorabora- aurorburara- -aurorabara- forget it, I've always wanted to s… https://t.co/K9zyHCw9KK
Thu 1 Nov 13:01
2018
#Swindon town centre is like Byzantine Constantinople. Except that the many languages heard are Romanians making dr… https://t.co/pBi12zNJSn
Thu 1 Nov 12:03
2018
Justin Timberlake loves the River Chornaya. #CrimeaRiver
Thu 1 Nov 10:58
2018
@john_17jackson His little hooves dingling and dangling are a sight for sore eyes.
Mon 29 Oct 12:53
2018
@john_17jackson You lucky fuck. Was he dingling or dangling?
Mon 29 Oct 12:35
2018
@john_17jackson Ah right. So you'll be getting a full refund when?
Sun 28 Oct 17:50
2018
@john_17jackson You dingled yet?
Sun 28 Oct 17:21
2018
Mourinho looks like an E-fit of Bill Oddie a pissed up Mr. McGoo has described to a cack handed policeman with a shit pencil.
Sun 28 Oct 16:44
2018
A handy tip for if you get a red wine stain on your carpet. Pour brandy on the stain and in a yard square radius.… https://t.co/HmjyJWkTtw
Sun 28 Oct 10:51
2018
Rick Stein finally admits what we've all been thinking. That he is the most famous sausage in Spain. https://t.co/gJTJ27I2zv
Sun 28 Oct 10:19
2018
#SaturdayKitchen gets more and more middle class by the week. They're eating foraged seaweed while wearing mauve sh… https://t.co/kcy7ieeGBR
Sun 28 Oct 10:09
2018
@simgeo35 He's cast aside his seax in favour of a Dane axe. I saw him burying a toy horse to Odin earlier. Only thi… https://t.co/WaZO7fBkdz
Sun 28 Oct 10:03
2018
@simgeo35 He's a great advocate of the Danelaw. Which is sort of ironic, as his name is Alfred. Maybe why he goes b… https://t.co/lx1Oq2okBP
Sun 28 Oct 09:56
2018
Malmesbury Abbey. He dribbled on the tomb of Æthelstan - no respect. https://t.co/Nu5Ga4RhVZ
Sun 28 Oct 07:09
2018
@richardogrady85 I had RoboCop Vs terminator on sega. Nothing beats that...
Sat 27 Oct 22:18
2018
Lady Colin Campbell on First Dates. The posh fella on the date with her. "Where were you brought up?" "Jamaica."… https://t.co/Hosnne7CJc
Thu 25 Oct 21:53
2018
@Helenreade5 This reminds me of an exchange we had. Me: I'm just gonna go have a bath. You (flustered for some re… https://t.co/V8uRLnqjxB
Thu 25 Oct 20:38
2018
If I lied at work & it convinced our company to leave a big umbrella organisation losing us billions, I'd PROBABLY… https://t.co/bkaTRQrWQ0
Thu 25 Oct 15:21
2018
@simgeo35 "I'm a private dancer, A dancer for money. Any old money will do."
Thu 25 Oct 07:29
2018