Joe - profile image
Joe
@JoeSalter89
Yelling nonsense at all my robot advertising followers then crying myself to sleep. #SaintsFC hairdresser to the stars, tycoon, model, liar. Ich Dien.
Followers: 402
Following: 315
Total tweets sent: 7495
Member since: Sun 11 Sep 2011


Joe Latest Tweets

@Summers2theB @MirrorCeleb Jason Donovan.
Mon 22 Apr 16:10
2019
My 17 month old son is so obsessed with owls (no idea where it started) that if he sees one on telly he has to yell… https://t.co/2zZnFs1Ner
Sun 21 Apr 15:21
2019
You can't spell "can't" without the word "can". Which is why whenever I can't do something I open a can.
Sun 21 Apr 14:34
2019
I bought a new pair of shoes. What do you think of them? https://t.co/39XPzZKUqH
Sun 21 Apr 10:14
2019
👨🏻"you know that Village People song?" 🤷🏻‍♂"YYYY🙆🏻‍♂"M🙋🏻‍♂"...L🤦🏻‍♂"fucked it."
Sat 20 Apr 20:19
2019
I was in the papers when I was a lad for being "Britain's first egg-bound idiot".
Sat 20 Apr 18:59
2019
Oh I couldn't POSSIBLY have any more children, the barbarians don't take their pasta el denté.
Sat 20 Apr 17:26
2019
@Summers2theB For all those EDL-types constantly shouting, "IT'S PC GONE MAD!" No, THAT was PC gone mad. I've now… https://t.co/lf6DRntxQj
Sat 20 Apr 16:09
2019
Watching a documentary about Joanne Dennehy. After describing her brutal murder spree, she said: "could be worse, c… https://t.co/sPdC766p8L
Sat 20 Apr 16:03
2019
@simgeo35 @saintbannerman I like how being a £9 bottle of "wine" that you could get a nice alternative bottle of wi… https://t.co/bGIEFlMxov
Sat 20 Apr 15:17
2019
@saintbannerman £9?! The whole point in it was it was cheap as chips and got you smashed. 🤣
Sat 20 Apr 14:28
2019
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB The question is: is a Nazi salute still offensive if you also do the Hitler moustache with… https://t.co/wty8nLzeyz
Sat 20 Apr 08:38
2019
@simgeo35 Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen (The LLB) at university.
Fri 19 Apr 08:10
2019
@TomEatW0rld He's nowhere near as good as Sun Jihai
Thu 18 Apr 15:36
2019
@simgeo35 Should have recommended she study for her CII R02 "Investment Principles & Risk" exam. It would be a dull… https://t.co/PTP3XIaw6x
Thu 18 Apr 11:31
2019
@simgeo35 Would you like him... to be the cat? https://t.co/zBxQsdtoSh
Thu 18 Apr 07:23
2019
Spurs are like the baddies in an '80s film. They look good but are ultimately just there for the goodies (better teams) to beat.
Wed 17 Apr 21:17
2019
Why is this gangly prick out and about? Daddy Long Legs' are September wankers, not April twats. https://t.co/Gr5D6ykvyV
Wed 17 Apr 17:44
2019
@maddielee27 What was this programme?
Wed 17 Apr 08:12
2019
You think the world has problems? I get constantly spied on by our family rabbit, Barbara. https://t.co/LgrgzSfIDS
Tue 16 Apr 23:04
2019
@MrDetailed She actually started saying, "I thought it would smell like Pak..." And stopped and changed to Muslims. Clanger!
Tue 16 Apr 21:50
2019
@richardogrady85 @john_17jackson Jones is keeping you in this. He's your talisman. No one's had a talisman since Bo… https://t.co/IP0VbDv5Be
Tue 16 Apr 20:57
2019
@john_17jackson @richardogrady85 Imagine if Jones didn't look like Neil Warnock having a stroke.
Tue 16 Apr 19:48
2019
@john_17jackson 🤼‍♂️
Mon 15 Apr 10:28
2019
John Legend is a bit naff as a stage name isn't it? It's the sort of name I'd have given a WWF wrestler I made up w… https://t.co/rujGF14Wdo
Mon 15 Apr 10:10
2019
@richardogrady85 One that isn't this https://t.co/UwiRy7Yane
Sun 14 Apr 18:59
2019
The one thing I'm better at than Sadio Mane is growing a normal hairline. Everything else he trumps me on. #LIVCHE
Sun 14 Apr 17:40
2019
I'm not sure why it's upset me that the feel of Peppa Pig has changed, lately - but it has. I can't put my finger o… https://t.co/9R6KfJsQiE
Sun 14 Apr 16:22
2019
It's about time Jeremy Clarkson was played by a black woman.
Sun 14 Apr 13:38
2019
There are 2.4 billion Chinese. Coincidentally, that was the original title of '90s sitcom, 2.4 Children, but the ex… https://t.co/ZCvM9bQtmx
Sat 13 Apr 20:43
2019
Iain Dowie looks like someone's drawn a face on a raw sausage and popped it in a suit. https://t.co/F1h14FIbL8
Sat 13 Apr 16:36
2019
All results perfect for #SaintsFC as it stands.
Sat 13 Apr 15:35
2019
The problem with Llorente is his consistency. And by that I mean his viscosity, not his match-to-match performances.
Sat 13 Apr 14:07
2019
@simgeo35 Absolute nightmare. No one deserves to be peeled. Apart from king Edward
Fri 12 Apr 17:17
2019
FELLAS. If you want to impress on a first "date", women love falconry. Take a girl to a rehabilitation centre for o… https://t.co/dP95niPXxI
Thu 11 Apr 15:18
2019
@simgeo35 Charlie Reid Craig Reid Don't need any others.
Wed 10 Apr 18:06
2019
You can't win can you? If you wear a branded t shirt people take the Mick, "ooo you're flash aren't you!" So you… https://t.co/inFHdPM4Ub
Wed 10 Apr 09:56
2019
@simgeo35 I've never seen someone with a cow's lick in the middle of their forehead. I'm speaking as one of the b… https://t.co/cvGveNGOCA
Tue 9 Apr 22:03
2019
@simgeo35 That's why I'm amazed. It's also not a flippant, dismissive, sexist comment, asserting that "no one's go… https://t.co/LnEXHao0al
Tue 9 Apr 21:46
2019
There are more people at The County Ground to get a glimpse of Phil Neville than turn up to see Swindon in a derby.
Tue 9 Apr 20:54
2019
I want to buy a Victorian travel book like Michal Portillo and follow it round the world. But the first chapter is… https://t.co/v882FnLItg
Mon 8 Apr 21:39
2019
I was getting potatoes ready earlier and my son came up to me and handed me a toy police car. I think he misunders… https://t.co/93K1S4dhLD
Mon 8 Apr 19:10
2019
@Paulr04 It's lucky you wrote an anti racism tweet with this, as unless you open/expand it, it looks like you're sh… https://t.co/PoAnmVwzi7
Mon 8 Apr 18:56
2019
@Summers2theB Boris Johnson is on the left of the photo, maybe he's explaining it to him.
Sun 7 Apr 21:53
2019
Invention. An app that harnesses cutting edge technology to show you what you'd look like in a turban. I'm willin… https://t.co/NZsAJCd3iT
Sun 7 Apr 19:27
2019
@richardogrady85 #WengerOut
Sun 7 Apr 17:00
2019
@FlatEarthOrg If Earth is flat, why have all the global transport, logistics, shipping companies etc. been able to… https://t.co/cQf892QPLq
Sun 7 Apr 14:10
2019
Heard a man on his phone say: "...well just that one earns us a grand. You do ten of those and you're looking at...… https://t.co/jh1T5DwaCZ
Sat 6 Apr 13:10
2019
@simgeo35 Budget? Look at those branded shower products. You think you're Mariah Carey.
Sat 6 Apr 10:33
2019
Denis Cloverland-Fulham https://t.co/PRyVRMbG9z
Fri 5 Apr 08:53
2019
@philextence Denis Cloverland-Fulham
Fri 5 Apr 08:51
2019
Identity Politics: A straight woman is ranked above a straight man but below gay men, unless straight man has gend… https://t.co/5c5PGWXgG9
Thu 4 Apr 12:19
2019
@dan_the_ginge Pimp My Ride: It helps disadvantaged, American, trailer-folk who have nothing, gain a "bitching ass… https://t.co/wzmoLUHNnv
Wed 3 Apr 23:06
2019
David Corbyn needs to just talk to Tracy May and sort out this breakfast once and for all.
Wed 3 Apr 08:13
2019
@simgeo35 Your toaster handles FOUR slices of bread? You bloody egotist.
Wed 3 Apr 08:11
2019
Ironically, I have only ever heard the phrase, "Just like in the movies", in the movies.
Tue 2 Apr 17:38
2019
@JestemPobity Striking resemblance. To both the fish AND Glyn.
Tue 2 Apr 17:25
2019
My favourite 4 photos of Phil Jones. https://t.co/tYkcGxOgu9
Tue 2 Apr 13:51
2019
@simgeo35 It's far less child friendly at our house. There's a wild stoat in the sink.
Mon 1 Apr 23:31
2019
Waiting for your baby to go to sleep so you can fill it's mother with gin and forget it exists for a few hours, tog… https://t.co/QlTTdhf9AJ
Mon 1 Apr 23:22
2019
@simgeo35 GET IN!
Mon 1 Apr 22:55
2019
If Mick Hucknall had bothered to get income protection, money may not have been so tight as to not mention now, would it.
Mon 1 Apr 22:40
2019
What do I have to do to become a "supremo"?
Mon 1 Apr 21:17
2019
Some serious swinging action. https://t.co/ch9oWIP4ko
Mon 1 Apr 19:54
2019
What do American actors Kevin Bacon, Jon Hamm and James Gammon have in common? The answer is... All their Christi… https://t.co/k0PGlsYmNr
Mon 1 Apr 19:45
2019
Contestant: "Can I have a P please, Bob? (Tee hee) "Can I have an E please, Bob? (Tee hee) "Can I have the D please… https://t.co/78iqX0KRtc
Mon 1 Apr 18:01
2019
Gregg Wallace just got so excited on #InsideTheFactory that he pulled his penis out, flopped it onto a food prepara… https://t.co/8X3ZOhQAhs
Sun 31 Mar 18:46
2019
Craig Shakespeare IS a former professional footballer/caretaker manager and there is NOTHING you, or any of your si… https://t.co/6uFGONXDvD
Sun 31 Mar 17:33
2019
@simgeo35 No, that's Abs Pestos.
Fri 29 Mar 18:32
2019
@simgeo35 Things move me all the time but I've never been so moved as to make a home-made sign. You only see them o… https://t.co/3Tst1UmnDx
Fri 29 Mar 18:27
2019
@richardogrady85 @Rossads1984 Yes you do. You told me if I let you do those things to me I'd be enlightened and kno… https://t.co/Yiuj0AzhcF
Thu 28 Mar 17:54
2019
@richardogrady85 @Rossads1984 Why doesn't Chris Eubank have one then?
Thu 28 Mar 17:51
2019
Take the stones out of my hooves so I can dance. I just wanna praise ya. I just wanna praise ya.
Thu 28 Mar 14:56
2019
There's been a minor collision on commercial road #Swindon and for some reason about 25 women have flocked from now… https://t.co/4PaTKUZvoq
Tue 26 Mar 10:23
2019
@Paulr04 I tried that but it just swallowed the fire and grew larger and more menacing.
Mon 25 Mar 19:17
2019
Hi all, I know you're all worried about the country etc. so sorry to bother you but I've trapped a chupacabra in my… https://t.co/wlFIQoGvbE
Mon 25 Mar 19:04
2019
@simgeo35 Except a dentist's drill gets the job done.
Sun 24 Mar 21:08
2019
@simgeo35 I just like watching David Starkey aggressively enunciating facts about Henry VIII at me wity Microsoft P… https://t.co/LDl6auBdJY
Sun 24 Mar 17:55
2019
@simgeo35 I try not to watch any history programmes that have a dramatic, American narrator, and/or lots of battle… https://t.co/ioG9pZcGj2
Sun 24 Mar 17:47
2019
@simgeo35 More bad news: I once watched a documentary about Richard II and the presenter said that he was such a me… https://t.co/3w4VNt8dZ8
Sun 24 Mar 17:42
2019
I've just asked for a "porno" martini at a bar. Embarrassing slip of the tongue.
Sat 23 Mar 20:29
2019
There are 1.35 billion Chinese people in the world. That's 20% of all people. That means every morning there is a… https://t.co/KGjLFZqGWk
Sat 23 Mar 18:15
2019
@ULucipus Wizzpig on Diddy Kong racing - cheating bastard.
Fri 22 Mar 20:25
2019
Can I just give a big congratulations to everyone who is relentlessly ranting about (for or against) #BREXIT 24 hou… https://t.co/VqKNe44dII
Thu 21 Mar 11:11
2019
My life went downhill when the word "shredder" stopped meaning the first picture and started meaning the second. https://t.co/rks2s5PV4Y
Thu 21 Mar 11:09
2019
If I get that horrible "you've done something terrible" paranoia when I'm extremely hungover, the only way to suppr… https://t.co/wMFIPQNncV
Thu 21 Mar 09:06
2019
Has any #entrepreneur yet invented some sort of waterproof cushion that can be slipped over bath taps so you can sh… https://t.co/A3CvqSe76d
Wed 20 Mar 20:31
2019
@simgeo35 Jamie Oliver can keep his British immigrant cuisine/traditional fusions. Asda Moroccan spice that comes i… https://t.co/1b0921pjan
Mon 18 Mar 12:00
2019
@Summers2theB You've a 12% chance of that happening to you in any Debenhams in Kings Lynn.
Sun 17 Mar 12:14
2019
Galton Blackiston is a character I'd create if I was trying to explain to Americans what an archetypal middle class… https://t.co/kHqv9WIJjb
Sun 17 Mar 11:08
2019
@simgeo35 We discussed this here. I don't know what it proves. If you find some unidentifiable leftovers in your re… https://t.co/8vfNQz5qum
Sat 16 Mar 15:08
2019
@simgeo35 Or Nigel Slater?
Sat 16 Mar 13:49
2019
@simgeo35 I find it odd when (considering they're amateur) the chefs request caviar or truffle for their "signature… https://t.co/UKmKVrQvgR
Sat 16 Mar 13:16
2019
Fri 15 Mar 20:07
2019
@simgeo35 Especially if you take her fish & chips
Thu 14 Mar 18:34
2019
Just saw a baguette in a cage at the zoo. It was bread in captivity. I'm SO... SO sorry.
Thu 14 Mar 16:11
2019
@SimonCWNotNZnow Imagine taking him around the Imperial War Museum.
Tue 12 Mar 20:28
2019
Everyone! Shush! Stop talking about politics! I don't care how important it is, #InsideTheFactory with Gregg Wallac… https://t.co/GHZaKlNDJl
Tue 12 Mar 20:25
2019
@Summers2theB Everything I have ever said is about him.
Sun 10 Mar 20:12
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Because Brian May kept distracting everyone with his badgers.
Sun 10 Mar 19:31
2019
Right. I've finally worked out #Crufts You wash a dog and hope it's a sexy example of its breed. You parade it aro… https://t.co/RQASu9gFdM
Sun 10 Mar 19:30
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 No no... You've got two concepts mixed up there. Simon referred to crack (the drug) and I (… https://t.co/axCg71TyRa
Sun 10 Mar 19:24
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 See, what I'm trying to alert you to is that there are "cracks" in bottoms and as a man who… https://t.co/9LIUlZvYKl
Sun 10 Mar 19:20
2019
@simgeo35 No but I think Freddie put it in cracks. Eh? Eh?! You know, on account of his homosexuality. What I'm tr… https://t.co/Ot8T1CU1Co
Sun 10 Mar 19:07
2019
All of the exciting things you could learn in school geography: volcanoes; earthquakes; forming of planets; etc. A… https://t.co/CJYkyh7Ol6
Sun 10 Mar 14:19
2019
@SimonCWNotNZnow I will make time for any egg and spoon race. The skill and dedication it takes to make it to the t… https://t.co/VGjUGVE9QV
Sun 10 Mar 13:42
2019
It's time I said it. Someone has to. As difficult and challenging as it is... Here goes... Deep breath... I...… https://t.co/0SJ0w3h6RR
Sun 10 Mar 13:34
2019
Now on BBC2, Clare Balding: LIVE.
Sun 10 Mar 13:06
2019
@richardogrady85 @rickygervais Is it like Derek? Derek was self-indulgent shite.
Sat 9 Mar 17:28
2019
I got confused on international Woman's Day... I put a woman in a searing pan, flipped her so she was cooked evenl… https://t.co/tx023jGejm
Sat 9 Mar 13:17
2019
@Summers2theB It's amazing that people are refusing to believe the monstrous acts he commited happened because he w… https://t.co/mFRUt2aill
Fri 8 Mar 08:36
2019
@john_17jackson Heroic mate. Well deserved. Especially with those seedy cunts trying to string out the penalty to put Rashford off.
Wed 6 Mar 22:10
2019
@simgeo35 Are they just beef flavour with whatever flavours Wotsits in?
Wed 6 Mar 20:13
2019
I'm going to put together an album of humiliating pictures of my boy, starting with this one, to give to his martia… https://t.co/WpeHRnOifv
Wed 6 Mar 18:18
2019
@simgeo35 @holland_tom I once typed Tom Holland into Amazon after reading his Æthelstan book, and loads of "I ❤️ To… https://t.co/Y6elKmrS78
Wed 6 Mar 15:32
2019
I bloody love #InsideTheFactory I bloody LOVE it. The factory workers could say anything and Gregg would be amaz… https://t.co/7Xv4PNd86K
Tue 5 Mar 20:28
2019
In ten years, couples will be split into 2 types: The man has a beard & drinks IPAs & the woman has blue hair, tat… https://t.co/KGioHIQA3Y
Tue 5 Mar 19:08
2019
@simgeo35 To give some context, he was talking about the over-vaccinated nation of Vaccinia. Those proud, stoic fol… https://t.co/Wlrs3QGa80
Mon 4 Mar 19:56
2019
@simgeo35 I'd imagine they'd be happy for Muslims to leave the Holy Land for England. Makes their job easier in Outremer.
Sun 3 Mar 17:57
2019
@DaftLimmy He lives in my town. Always approaches you outside the train station and starts telling you what he's a… https://t.co/ZCYhdsO6GE
Sat 2 Mar 18:28
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Our tactics under Mark Hughes was to concede 3 and not score. Genius.
Sat 2 Mar 18:05
2019
How many times have we lost 3-2 to a top 6 team since being back in the Premier League? #SaintsFc Ah well, let's… https://t.co/kWUZzV2CX1
Sat 2 Mar 16:54
2019
@john_17jackson @btsportscore Which young players d'ya reckon will be pundits one day. Could we be seeing Jack Grealish hour on Talk Sport?
Sat 2 Mar 16:03
2019
If we get to 1/2 time 1-0 up, I really hope we don't try and defend the lead in the 2nd half. Never works for us. #SaintsFC
Sat 2 Mar 15:42
2019
Shit the bed #SaintsFC
Sat 2 Mar 15:29
2019
@simgeo35 @Summers2theB Ubiquitous, squid or Saracen.
Fri 1 Mar 22:22
2019
What man was born a nan? Kofi. ...Annan.
Fri 1 Mar 22:01
2019
A company rang me at work & asked if I'd do a 5 minute survey about pension providers. If yes I'd get a £15 Amazon… https://t.co/4kZFDMCOOB
Fri 1 Mar 21:24
2019
My Gladiators name would Macerator.
Fri 1 Mar 20:42
2019
Being Human is about the unanswerable, impossible questions in life, such as: Why are we here? What's the differe… https://t.co/Sad7UP0LWC
Fri 1 Mar 18:42
2019
@Summers2theB Hey! He's programmed to have feelings, you know?
Fri 1 Mar 18:40
2019
I scored 42% (shite) in the 'Can you name every Saints player to score at Old Trafford in the Premier League?' quiz… https://t.co/YyRM0tXODd
Fri 1 Mar 16:19
2019
Just got in from work and the upstairs of the house is full of kids, screaming. Me: "What you lot up to?" Them:… https://t.co/egLJO9VutR
Fri 1 Mar 16:11
2019
@TomEatW0rld @LUFC @andrearadri Looks like Lee Douglas to me.
Thu 28 Feb 18:22
2019
Bit annoying isn't it. https://t.co/jl2Rp5Vflt
Thu 28 Feb 18:21
2019
Showed the little man what he'll be cleaning out for his pocket money in a few years time. https://t.co/I2KIYUqA4S
Thu 28 Feb 18:19
2019
Most sentences that start with, "people always ask me..." are a lie. On an unrelated note, people always ask me ho… https://t.co/9pni0bbMMn
Thu 28 Feb 07:52
2019
@TomEatW0rld He has the best forehead too.
Wed 27 Feb 21:27
2019
@simgeo35 You vote Rustie Lee then. I thought as much. (That took me 3 attempts to type because it won't accept Rus… https://t.co/SHr7xuJVEK
Mon 25 Feb 22:23
2019
@simgeo35 I'm just going to scrawl "KEN DODD" on the ballot paper.
Mon 25 Feb 22:12
2019
@simgeo35 I suppose I'm centre left. Don't follow a mantra though. Socialism is lovely in society but not as a soci… https://t.co/U8lKHIi6nP
Mon 25 Feb 22:07
2019
@simgeo35 Oh wait, Mike Reid's ska song has just swayed me. UKIP it is.
Mon 25 Feb 21:23
2019
@simgeo35 I've always voted Labour. Not a fan of the Blairites but also think Corbyn would be a disaster. No idea w… https://t.co/cz1KfCutx6
Mon 25 Feb 21:19
2019
I had a dream that my mum was having an affair with Uncle Ben. He'd be nice to my face but as soon as she was out o… https://t.co/R6QXM1jjO4
Sun 24 Feb 18:16
2019
@Saints1885_com No.
Sun 24 Feb 18:12
2019
@simgeo35 If I could make a curry like a takeaway does, I'd never leave the house. I think the secret is to add e-coli.
Sat 23 Feb 19:28
2019
Kids are saying "please RECORD Peppa pig", whereas I'm saying, "please TAPE my snuff videos". How language changes.
Sat 23 Feb 19:27
2019
I want to develop an app that utilises Google Earth to pinpoint where all the lion tamers in your area live.
Fri 22 Feb 21:51
2019
@Muscleswhelan I've never flashed anyone in a subway. It's one of my most triumphant achievements. But there isn't… https://t.co/jmSAAcUTMN
Fri 22 Feb 21:12
2019
@Summers2theB Who's Breakfast and why did he quit the Labour party?
Fri 22 Feb 13:20
2019
@simgeo35 Hey hey we're the Monkees! People say we monkey around. What's that on your forehead? It's a swastika, Da… https://t.co/nMdJJYb3BX
Thu 21 Feb 21:37
2019
Rather than this hour long channel 4 documentary where Alice Levine ridicules a far right fella, she could have sav… https://t.co/BiQdnRvS1z
Thu 21 Feb 21:18
2019
@richardogrady85 Not a bad bloke I suppose - probable rapist.
Thu 21 Feb 21:02
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 They were pipped to be the new Beatles.
Thu 21 Feb 20:56
2019
Translations for how people describe themselves online. Plain talking - rude Say it how it is - tactless Weird -… https://t.co/RIy7pO5Bmg
Thu 21 Feb 20:56
2019
@richardogrady85 Squeaky bum time. Literally.
Thu 21 Feb 20:42
2019
I have a recurring dream where I'm sat in the toilet and Gregg Wallace swans in, yells, "you have 2 minutes left!"… https://t.co/bYYZBvjl0F
Thu 21 Feb 20:36
2019
@sherdog91 @David_Cameron Simple, yet effective.
Thu 21 Feb 20:35
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Aren't YOU a Monkees B-Side? E? EH!? .... Yeah... That's right.
Thu 21 Feb 20:31
2019
@simgeo35 I'm embarrassed to say, that's the first time I've seen or heard the correct lyrics to that jingle. I tho… https://t.co/3AzYY2Ou6g
Thu 21 Feb 20:30
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Pederasty is 8 days a week.
Thu 21 Feb 12:51
2019
@simgeo35 What?! What about our genocide Tuesdays? What a way to find out. Jeez.
Thu 21 Feb 11:26
2019
@TheManUtdWay @john_17jackson Pretty sure that's photoshopped and never happened. No one's ever scored against Saints.
Wed 20 Feb 19:13
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Leslie Grantham and Dirty Den.
Wed 20 Feb 19:07
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Wolf from gladiators and a certified bloody idiot.
Wed 20 Feb 19:05
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 John Hartson and Wayne Sleep.
Wed 20 Feb 18:56
2019
@Summers2theB @simgeo35 Mark Almond and the ghost of unfinished poetry.
Wed 20 Feb 18:53
2019
I don't know who my favourite Rumpole is but it certainly isn't of the Bailey. No sir.
Wed 20 Feb 18:30
2019
#Brits tonight. Remember when it used to be something worth watching? 😢
Wed 20 Feb 18:27
2019
Most of Bastille's songs would be improved if they were sung by Kermit.
Tue 19 Feb 08:23
2019
@SouthCoastRed @simgeo35 The rule only applies to the women.
Tue 19 Feb 08:21
2019
My 1 year old is having a deconstructed cheese and cucumber sandwich for lunch. https://t.co/CXhO7AdEtG
Sun 17 Feb 13:44
2019
@simgeo35 Would you say, you can't go for that? (No can do)
Fri 15 Feb 22:41
2019
The big question: Hall... or Oates?
Fri 15 Feb 22:14
2019
If you're feeling lonely and neglected on Valentine's Day, just remember, this is what Jim Corr from The Corrs feel… https://t.co/KkcW9BtoBo
Thu 14 Feb 09:08
2019
Just ate a handful of pine nuts followed by a handful of pine nuts I'd toasted. Taste identical. Stop wasting your time, chefs.
Wed 13 Feb 18:16
2019
Valentine's tomorrow. Must remember to bring my backdoor key when I leave the house. Front door might be jammed wit… https://t.co/nd6frZ9U0m
Wed 13 Feb 09:16
2019
Why are all the synonyms for being over-organised funny sounding? Persnickety Fastidious Finicky Anal Anal retentive
Mon 11 Feb 19:47
2019
@sherdog91 Couple'a G's each. Nah, I don't know. Was me Ma's 60th, me dad sorted the bill; booked it all surprise-… https://t.co/IGJVibmFqO
Sat 9 Feb 20:36
2019
@sherdog91 Yeah. You only get two goes of 1 minute each. Glad I've done it though.
Sat 9 Feb 16:33
2019
Skydiving like a genius. Indoors, no planes as far as the eye can see. https://t.co/DTJrUxIoqa
Sat 9 Feb 12:52
2019
@john_17jackson @MattHodgetts Commitment is his middle name, John. https://t.co/YNlEYQcy06
Fri 8 Feb 20:27
2019
Having said that, I am an absolute star in all fairness.
Thu 7 Feb 14:00
2019
campaign against colleagues calling you "an absolute star", when you do something for them at your job. Where has t… https://t.co/ElYblJglV4
Thu 7 Feb 13:59
2019
Nigel Slater: "I know what you're all thinking. How do I use up leftovers caviar? Well, just shave truffle onto it… https://t.co/ueWClNOa1V
Tue 5 Feb 19:41
2019
@SimonCWNotNZnow @sallyephillips @RealBobMortimer The club from Bang Bang is the best series of sketches ever. Tom… https://t.co/geHxwAwhBL
Mon 4 Feb 19:32
2019
@sallyephillips @SimonCWNotNZnow Went for @RealBobMortimer. No one has made me cry with laughter like he has on so… https://t.co/aQYAArQHq6
Mon 4 Feb 18:26
2019
Please follow my partner's new business page on twitter and more importantly Instagram, @CountonHER She needs a bi… https://t.co/PdrcJ21F4M
Mon 4 Feb 13:30
2019
@adamhess1 House of sick people injured traumad and lame
Sun 3 Feb 18:54
2019
@simgeo35 I'm a mathematical invalid.
Sat 2 Feb 08:14
2019
@Summers2theB I do drive a gritter for a living.
Fri 1 Feb 14:05
2019